From Crayons to Cuts
by prsweetie
Summary: This is the final story in the Marissa/Happy saga. Follow them as they try to navigate raising a family in the middle of SAMCRO. Follows the stories Nobody's Fool and Maintain the Pain
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is the final trilogy in the Marissa/Happy series. I'm very proud of this series and the reception that it has gained. I would like to thank everyone for the reviews and alerts. You have made writing fun for me again._

* * *

Marissa woke up with a pain in her chest. Today was not a day that she was looking forward to in the slightest bit. She grabbed her robe and walked towards Alexander's room. She wasn't surprised that her eight month old son was not in his crib. She followed the smell of coffee towards the kitchen and she poured herself a cup while she checked her text messages. She grabbed her coffee mug and made her way towards the back patio. She watched from a safe distance as Happy was feeding Alexander his morning bottle.

It never stopped amazing that Happy was an exceptional father. He was attentive and kind to his son in a way that only she and his mother had been privy to before. From the second he held his son in his arms, Marissa knew that her heart was completely filled. She never thought she would find love again after Dante and she surely never saw herself married with a kid. But almost five years with this man had restored her faith in love. Of course, being as though it was them, things never came easy. For instance, the ache in her heart today was due to the fact that in a few short hours, she would be watching her husband say his final goodbyes to his mother.

Miriam had fought cancer years longer than the doctors had given her but eventually cancer won. When Alexander was born, Marissa insisted that they move Miriam to Charming with them so that she could spend as much time with her only grandchild as possible. Marissa knew that Miriam was getting worse and she wanted her mother-in-law to be surrounded by family. Last week she had taken a turn for the worst and Marissa would never forget the image of looking through the glass window in the hospital of Happy holding his mother's hand as she took her last breath.

Miriam had left out specific instructions. She didn't want a funeral, instead she wished to have her ashes scattered over a bridge in Bakersfield. She wanted the house sold and other than a few personal items that she left to her son, she wanted all of her belongings to be donated to the American Red Cross.

Gemma had been extremely helpful the past few days, taking the trips back and forth to Bakersfield to help Marissa pack up things and settle everything. Happy had been slightly out of sorts the past few days and Marissa had taken over the reins to make things easier on her man.

She pushed open the patio door and made her way over to her two boys. She ran a soft hand over Alexander's curls before placing a soft kiss on Happy's lips.

"Morning baby." Happy nodded his head but continued to look at his son.

"Who's going to be watching the kid today?"

"Gemma." Happy cleared his throat before handing his son over to Marissa.

"I'mma take a shower and a ride. I'll meet you at the clubhouse around 1pm." Marissa nodded and tried to blink back the tears at seeing her husband so destroyed.

* * *

"My baby." Marissa couldn't help but smile when Gemma stood up and instantly reached for Alexander who seemed just as excited to see Gemma. Marissa placed the diaper bag on the couch before taking a seat. "What time are you guys leaving?"

"Whenever Hap gets here." Marissa ran a hand through her hair and straightened out her black shirt. "Alexander is the only thing that can get a reaction out of him these days."

"He's grieving baby. Miriam was all he had for a long time." Marissa nodded her head because she knew Gemma was telling the truth but it didn't make her heart sting any less. She wanted to be there for him but she was running out of options on how. "While you guys are gone, I'm going to bring a few platters to the house."

"Gemma that's not necessary." Gemma just glared.

"You've been running yourself ragged the past few days. Let me help you." Marissa kept her mouth shut because she knew arguing with Gemma was pointless.

"What's going on with Clay?" Marissa asked in order to change the subject. Gemma sighed deeply as she watched Alexander play with her necklace.

"Jax says Clay is thinking about going NOMAD. Personally, I think it's for the best. Especially now that TIg knows the truth." A few weeks ago, everyone finally found out that Clay had been the one to kill Piney and in return Opie tried to kill Clay. Opie said revealing the truth was the only way he would sit as Vice President. Shit had hit the fan hard and the clubhouse had been turned upside down when Tig attacked Clay. Add that with the fact that Gemma had filed for divorce, Clay was running out of reasons to stick around in Charming.

"You tell Happy the truth yet?" Marissa shook her head.

"I didn't see how Hap finding out that Clay beat the shit out me would help matters right about now." Marissa looked up at the sound of a motorcycle pulling up. She gave both Alexander and Gemma a kiss and made her way outside. She locked the urn box on the back of the bike before hopping on.

* * *

The ride was sad and the clouds seemed to reflect the somber mood of the married couple. They pulled up to the bridge and Marissa stood by the bike as Happy gathered up the box. He looked at her with questions in his eyes.

"You need to do this alone baby. I'll be right here when you are done." Marissa watched his back as he leaned against the bridge and bent his head down. She could tell by his stance that he was trying to control his emotions and she fought the urge to run to him. However years of being with him had taught her that he needed to do this by himself.

After about twenty minutes, she watched as he slowly opened the urn and let the ashes fall down into the water beneath him. Marissa finally made her way over to him and placed an arm around his waist and buried her face in his chest. She felt relief as he wrapped his arms tightly around her body giving them the most connection in days.

"Thank you for everything." Marissa looked up at Happy and smiled.

"I love you Happy." Happy nodded as he pulled her closer again.

"I know."


	2. Chapter 2

Marissa sighed as she sat down on the living room surrounded by piles of wrapping paper, tape and boxes. She had been in a foul mood for a few days now and it wasn't letting up anytime soon. She heard the front door open and she couldn't help but smile as her two year old son, who had now been nicknamed Zander, run straight into her arms. She kissed the boy on the side of the head and slightly glared at Gemma who took a seat on the couch.

"How's your day going baby?"

"Your son is an asshole." Both women turned to the little boy who repeated his mother's words causing Gemma to raise an eyebrow at Marissa who just rolled her eyes.

"Have you met his parents? The kid's language will never be normal." She stood up and grabbed Zander and walked him into his bedroom. She settled her son on the bed and popped in his favorite movie, knowing that after a day at the park with Grandma Gemma, he was bound to be sleep soon. She walked back to the living room with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"What did my son do now?"

"He basically told me that he wouldn't accept Abel's gifts unless I delivered them in person." It had been close to three years since Tara and Marissa's fight and with the exception of a few awkward conversations, they avoid each other like the plague. Well, Marissa avoided Tara. It was not her fault that she could hold a grudge like nobody's business.

"You told me that you miss the boys."

"And I do but I don't think that I should go to Abel's birthday party at Jax and Tara's house when I am still fighting the urge to throw her in the fucking oven." Gemma nodded because she understood how Marissa felt. However, Tara was connected to her grandbabies and her son, so Gemma had to suck it up and be around Tara.

"No one's expecting you to be best friends again, but don't you think that you can at least make an attempt to be cordial? If not for you, then for the boys. Tommy and Zander are close in age and I'm sure they would love to spend time together." Marissa glared at Gemma as she took a sip of her wine.

"You tell Jax you are fucking Tig yet?" Marissa smirked as Gemma's eyes grew wide. It was no secret that TIg had always harbored special feelings towards Gemma. After everything that had happened with Clay, Tig and Gemma had grown closer over the past sixteen months. Gemma tried to downplay what was going on but Marissa swore on more than one occasion, Tig had her giggling like a school girl.

"Why are you changing the subject?"

"Why won't you answer the question?"

"Who I'm sleeping with is not Jax's concerns."

"I'm sure the King won't see it that way." Marissa sighed as she refilled both glasses. "You already know I love Tig to death so I fully support what the hell it is that you two are doing but Gemma, have we learned nothing from keeping secrets in this goddamn town?" Gemma went to open her mouth but the front door opened again and Jax, Happy and Juice walked in the door. Jax looked at the various toys on the floor and smiled prompting Marissa to give him the finger. She groaned as his laughter followed him all the way outside.

* * *

Marissa sat in SUV for a good ten minutes before finally opening the door. She was parked on the street in front of Jax and Tara's house and this was the last place that she wanted to be. She opened the back door and gently woke her sleeping son. She watched with a smile as it took forever for his black eyes to adjust at his surroundings. He looked so much like his father that it was downright adorable. She helped Zander climb down from the car seat and she straightened out his white tee shirt.

She looked up when she heard Zander scream "Daddy" and watched as her son ran full speed ahead towards Happy who managed to pick him up without ever dropping the beer in his hand. Marissa opened the trunk and started grabbing bags. When she walked towards Happy she gave him a kiss and took a sip of his beer.

"How long do we have to stay?"

"Tara went all out. There is some bouncy shit and enough candy that we may have to pry the kid out of here." Marissa rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. The family of three made their way into the backyard and Marissa sighed. Went all out was an understatement. The backyard had turned into Funland and Zander was squirming to get out of his father's embrace so that he could go play. Marissa laughed as Zander made a beeline for Tig who was standing by the humongous chocolate stand.

"Behave yourself today." Marissa looked up at Happy and smiled.

"I'm mature enough not to pick a fight at a kid's party Hap." Hap just raised his eyebrow at his wife causing her to laugh. She walked towards the table that held all the gifts and she set her bags down. She turned when she heard her name being screamed and she braced herself in a squatting position just as a six year old Abel launched himself in her arms.

"Hey birthday boy." She pulled back and kissed the little boy on his forehead. She smiled at his coy smirk that he obviously inherited from his father and told him to enjoy himself. The party was filled with more adults than kids, but that was the way things worked around here. The boys never passed up an opportunity to throw a party, even if it was for a child.

"I didn't think you were going to show up." Marissa felt her spine stiffen as she stood up and faced her former best friend.

"I wasn't going to."

"What changed your mind?"

"Your old man." Marissa got a good look at Tara. Her dark hair was shorter and pulled back in a ponytail. She was dressed conservatively in a pair of linen pants and a tank top. Gemma had told Marissa that Tara was never fully able to perform to her true abilities in the operating room anymore and had taken the assistant to the Chief of Staff position at the hospital. Marissa knew there was no way Tara was satisfied with this change. Marissa got tired of the silence and went to walk away when Tara's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Is this how it's always going to be between us now Rissa?" Marissa crossed her arms over her chest.

"What do you want from me Tara?"

"I want my best friend back!"

"Then you should have thought about that before you pulled the shit that you did."

"You are just as guilty as I am. You gave Jax those letters….well the letters that you deemed important."

"I was just protecting my family." Marissa retorted using the same answer Tara had given her all those years ago.

"That's not fair."

"Fuck fair. You started a chain of reactions that left a hurricane of destruction and you were just going to pack your shit and run away AGAIN. Not that I'm surprised. You always did have a history of running away when shit got too complicated." Marissa took a breath to calm her nerves. "Look I can't do this now. I am just here to allow Zander to get to know the kids and give Abel my gifts. I did not show up here to go another round with you." Marissa turned her back and walked towards the slide where Gemma was standing watching the kids like a hawk.

"Things didn't go well I'm assuming?"

"I need a drink."

* * *

The party had been exhausting and Marissa didn't know who was more reluctant to leave: Happy or Alexander. She pulled up into her driveway and leaned her head on the steering wheel until she heard Happy open the backdoor. She got out of the driver's seat as Happy picked their son up and followed her in the house. He waved her off when she tried to take him and headed towards the back bedroom. She was getting changed in the bedroom as she listened to Happy getting Zander ready for bed. She couldn't help but smile; whispering was never Happy's strong suit.

She released her hair from its ponytail as she put on a tank top and boy shorts. She laid across the top of the bed and grabbed the TV remote. She smiled when she heard Happy shut their bedroom down and straddled the back of her legs. He placed a kiss on her shoulder blades before starting to massage them gently.

"You have fun today?" Marissa moaned in response as Happy hit a particular soft spot on her back. She had spent most of the party running around with kids. It was mainly an excuse to avoid having another confrontation with Tara. She groaned when Hap stopped massaging and slapped her ass. She turned over and watched as Happy started to peel off his vest and get ready for bed.

"I've been thinking." Happy looked at her from their master bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. "I don't want to work at the shop anymore." She watched Happy rinse out his mouth before he answered her.

"Why not?"

"The shop wasn't supposed to be a permanent thing and I kind of want to do something else with my life, you know?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"There is an empty store on Main Street. I was thinking about opening up a consignment shop, maybe get Gemma involved."

"How long have you been thinking about this?"

"A few weeks now. Zander will be in pre-school in about two years which should give me enough time to get the business off the ground."

"What about the money to startup?" He knew that she still had a lot of money left over that Dante had given her when he died but after that money almost got her killed, she void never to use it again.

"I have pretty good credit. I figured I could go to the bank for a business loan." Happy nodded as he moved to lie down in between her legs. She moaned when he started to lick the side of her neck in such a sensual way that she was sure she could come without him ever putting his hands on her. She lifted her hips to allow him to pull her shorts down and all of the day's stress was soon forgotten.

* * *

The following morning Marissa knocked on the door to Gemma's house with Zander on her hip. He was at that stage where he didn't always want to be coddled but Marissa was determined to keep him her little boy for as long as she could. The second Gemma opened the door, she handed Marissa a glass of mimosa.

"You are going to need it?"

"What the hell for?" Marissa asked as she walked in the house and stopped dead in her tracks. Sitting at the dining room table was Tara with folders laid out in front of her.

"I didn't see her car." Marissa whispered to Gemma.

"Jax dropped her off. He's having a boy's day or some shit." Marissa groaned to herself. She had come over with the intentions of talking to Gemma about the consignment shop and now she was stuck being cordial for the second day in a row. She instructed Zander to give Gemma a kiss on the cheek before she placed him in front of the TV in the living room. She downed her glass in one gulp and cracked her neck before sitting down at the table. She smiled gratefully at Gemma who refilled her glass without having to be asked.

"I'm glad you're here." Marissa raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "I'm taking over the fundraiser duties for the school." That was a shock on so many different levels. The fundraisers had always been Gemma's thing and just because she was no longer Queen didn't mean that Gemma wasn't still capable of running things. Marissa cut her eyes towards Gemma who seemed to be biting her tongue to keep from screaming.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I need your help to set up booths with Gemma. Plus I figured the two of you could handle the food portion." She slid a piece of paper towards Marissa that stated how much food needed to be prepared. Marissa sighed but remained silent as Tara continued to talk.

"I haven't been able to gain as many sponsors as in previous years."

"That's because no one trusts or likes you." Marissa said before she could take it back. She took a deep breath before continuing. "Why are you doing this Tara? The fundraiser is not a club thing; it has always been Gemma's project. The reason why you can't get sponsors is because for years, businesses have been used to working with Gemma. Why are you taking that from her?"

"Oh so you're sympathetic to me taking something from Gemma? How ironic." Tara said laced with sarcasm.

"Jesus Christ. Is this what this is all about? You couldn't get out of Charming so now you are doing everything you can to get back at me and Gemma and since we are not a pair of weak bitches, you have to resort to taking control of a fundraiser that you have no experience in? Very fucking mature." Marissa grabbed her bag and stood up to collect her son. "Grow the fuck up Tara." Marissa quickly walked out of the house, slamming the door in the process.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: I know that a lot of people that read SOA fanfics are big Tara fans. Me personally, I have a love/hate relationship with Tara that started around the fourth season. I built two stories around this really great friendship between Tara and Marissa and I don't want it to be completely over but the last few chapters of Maintain the Pain really tested them and it will take a while for that trust to be built again. Don't give up on the friendship, it was one of my favorite parts of writing this trilogy…just give me time to make the connection believable to who both of the characters have been._**

* * *

Six months after starting the paperwork, the Anarchy Exchange was getting ready to be open for business in two days. Marissa was running around like a chicken with her head chopped off getting ready for the grand opening/BBQ that they would be holding. The timing was great as it was Memorial Day Weekend and Charming was filled with family members coming into town to celebrate the holidays. She was on the phone with Gemma as she rushed to pick up Zander from Neeta. She couldn't wait to be able to breath for five seconds. She winced at Gemma started yelling at one of the prospects before the line went dead. Marissa had barely turned off the ignition before she hopped out of the truck and ran inside Gemma's house.

"Neeta, I am so sorry…" Marissa's apology was halted as she ran into the living room and the sight before her made her take a shaky breath. On the couch taking a nap was Abel, Thomas and Zander. Her eyes welled up at seeing Thomas have a protective arm wrapped around Zander. She jumped when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and she turned around to see Neeta motioning her to go into the kitchen.

"Zander had a rough afternoon. I think he was missing his parents." Marissa groaned softly to herself as she sat down at the kitchen table. Things had been hectic the past few weeks with trying to get the shop in order and of course there was a new threat knocking on Charming's door. Marissa had done everything she could to overcompensate for Happy not being available as much lately but she knew she was running herself thin.

"Tommy was really good with him." Marissa looked up as Neeta continued to speak. "Those boys have a real connection, almost like they know despite how stubborn their mothers are, they are meant to be family." Marissa glared slightly.

"Neeta…" Neeta placed her hand up and Marissa knew she was in for some words of wisdom.

"Now look child, none of us know the real story between you and Tara but what we do know is the friendship that the two of you have is rare. Not many friends would pack up their lives and move to this one horse town just because they were asked."

"My bar had closed. There wasn't a whole lot keeping me in Chicago."

"Do I need to remind you of the Salazar incident? You killed a woman and put your body on the line just for Tara's freedom? That's family baby and family has their rough times. They fight, can go years without speaking to one another, but when it counts….when it matters….family will always find a way back to one another."

"What are you getting at Neeta?" Neeta placed a hand over Marissa's.

"Those boys are God's way of showing you what could be if the both of you could just stop holding on to all that anger. Friendship like the one you and Tara had was rare. Is what happened between you two so bad that it can never be repaired again?" Marissa was still thinking about Netta's question when Zander woke up and jumped into her arms.

* * *

She woke up at 7am on Saturday morning already making a list in her head of what needed to be done. The grand opening was today and Marissa couldn't afford for anything to go wrong. She turned her head and wasn't surprised that Happy's side of the bed was empty. It was becoming a regular occurrence lately and Marissa knew if she stopped to really think about it, she should be worried about the state of her marriage. Instead she did what she did best: compartmentalized all of her feelings and emotions until they floated to the surface beyond her control.

She pushed herself out of bed and headed towards the shower. She pulled her long curly hair in a bun on top of her head before putting on a black tank top with Anarchy Exchange logo and dark jeans. She finished the outfit with a pair of flip-flops since she knew she would be on her feet all day. She sent Gemma a text message, requesting that the woman picked up some coffee and then she headed towards her son's bedroom.

She stood there looking at him for a moment, taking in the sight of her sweet baby boy who looked so peaceful. Last night had been a rough one as Zander had cried for his father for hours before finally succumbing to sleep. He didn't understand why his dad wasn't home and why he couldn't call him on the phone. Marissa learned there was no easy way to say "your daddy is probably in the middle of torturing someone". Instead she held her son tight as she tried everything in her power to be enough for him.

She leaned down over his bed and kissed his forehead. "Come on little man, it's time to wake up. We have a big day." Zander opened his eyes and looked around the room. She could see the disappointment in his eyes at not seeing his father. She quickly washed him up in the bathroom before putting him in a white tee shirt with dark jeans and sneakers. She let his black curls roam free knowing there was no point in trying to fight with this humidity.

Twenty minutes later, Marissa was unlocking the door to the shop as she juggled a half a dozen bags in her hands. She ushered Zander in as she fumbled to turn on the lights. She had less than three hours before the shop opened and there was still a lot that had to be done. She set up a play area for Zander before she started to go down her list. She was so engrossed at getting things done that the yell of children startled her. She looked up to see Abel and Thomas run towards Zander with Tara walking behind them.

Marissa took a deep breath as the words that Neeta had spoken to her the other day played back in her head. She never denied the fact that she missed Tara; she was just not going to be the one to make the first move. She placed the papers in her hand down as she watched Tara survey the shop.

"Mommy, is it true that Zander's my cousin?" Both Tara and Marissa looked stunned at Abel's question.

"Why do you ask that?" Abel shrugged.

"Daddy told me that we were cousins and that we were all family, but if we were family why come Zander doesn't spend the night or anything?" Marissa and Tara locked eyes as they both seemed to be at a loss for words. How do you explain to a six year old that the adults were to blame for why the children couldn't play? The only time that the kids really interacted with each other was when Neeta was babysitting all three and that didn't happen very often.

Marissa looked up as Jax and Opie walked in the door with boxes in their hands. Marissa was thankful for the distraction as she prompted the guys to place the boxes behind the register. She tried to spark up a conversation with Opie but Abel wasn't having it.

"Mommy, you didn't answer me." Jax turned to look down at his eldest son.

"What's going on little man?"

"I asked Mommy if Zander was my cousin because you said he was but she won't answer." Jax raised an eyebrow at both women who seemed to be fixated on anything but the conversation that was going on around them. Jax knelt down to his son and was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Zander is your cousin little man. He's family and you know how we treat family right?" They all watched as Abel nodded with all the seriousness he could muster.

"Then why don't Zander and Auntie Rissa ever come over the house?"

"Son, I am going to give you the best piece of advice you are ever going to get: women are crazy." He laughed at both Marissa and Tara glared at him. They watched as Jax and Opie scooped the boys up and said they were going to start setting up in the back.

There was awkward silence as the two women were left alone for the first time in a long time. Finally Tara sighed loudly as she went to walk in the back but Marissa's voice stopped her.

"Tara?" Tara turned around and looked at Marissa. "Do you have plans tomorrow?" Tara shook her head and waited.

"Maybe it's time we got together and talked."


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: I have gotten some reviews and PM's that Happy seems very out of character. Keep in mind that he and Marissa have been together for close to six years now. They have gone through a lot as a couple and seeing Happy as an attentive father is not the worst thing in the world.**_

* * *

Anarchy Exchange would be closing in a half an hour and for all intents and purposes, Marissa should have been on top of the world. The first day had been a success and they had succeeded their goal for the day. The place had never been dull the whole day and Marissa was getting rave reviews for the products that she was providing. Instead as Marissa looked out back to see Tig playing with her son, Marissa just wanted to collapse and cry.

Every member of the Sons of Anarchy had made it a point to be there today. Some of them couldn't stay the whole day, or in the case of Tig, showed up late but everyone was there. Everyone but her husband that was. Tig had said that he and Happy had some errands to run earlier but gave no explanation as to why he was there and Happy wasn't. Although Marissa could have sworn she saw a flicker of guilt in Tig's eyes.

She looked over at Gemma who came to stand beside her. "Looks like we did good."

"Let's hope we could keep up this pace." The shop was only going to be open four days a week so their goals weren't astronomically. They just wanted to be able to make a big enough profit that they could be comfortable.

"You alright?" Gemma asked and Marissa nodded her head even though they both knew she was lying.

"I need a favor." Marissa turned to look Gemma in the eye. "Can you keep Zander over night? I'm having breakfast with Tara." When Gemma raised her eyebrow, Marissa just sighed. "Plus I need to find my fucking husband." Gemma told her to go ahead and she would clean up and for Marissa to just pick Zander up whenever the following day. Marissa gave out a round of hugs and kisses to everyone before hopping in her truck.

She drove past the clubhouse first but she didn't see Happy's bike. She went past all the places in town where she thought he could be but continued to come up empty. She took her chances and drove the four hours to Bakersfield just to see if he was at the bridge where he scattered his mother's ashes but still no sign of him. She was driving back close to one in the morning when she felt a pit in her stomach so strong that she pulled over to the side of road and promptly threw up.

She thought back to the day years ago when she had picked Gemma up from jail after she assaulted that sweet butt Cherry after Gemma had found out that Clay and Cherry had hooked up.

_"It's part of being an Old Lady. You are always the number one bitch, but there are some rules that you have to learn to accept. Once he makes you an Old Lady, you get to decided what will and won't be a deal breaker for you. He has to accept them and you have to accept that when he goes on runs for weeks at a time, there is a good chance some little tart will have her lips wrapped around his cock. My number one rule is to never bring that shit to my town. I can turn a blind eye and pretend that I don't know what's going on but it's hard to ignore shit when it's starting me in the face."_

Those words mixed in with Tig's guilty look made Marissa's head spin. Happy wouldn't cheat on her, would he? Not after everything they had survived. Was he really going to throw that all away after all these years? Was he really cheating right under her nose?

Marissa sat down back in the truck but made no motion to move. Instead she started to play back the past few months. She had chalked their distance up to both of them being busy but now that she was thinking about it, there were things that did not add up. Maybe Happy was getting bored with their semi-domestic life. Maybe he was starting to yearn for his days of nameless pussy and passing out drunk in the clubhouse.

They still continued to have sex but it was more rough and hurried than ever before. She tried to breathe in and out through her nose in order to gain some composure. When she finally calmed herself down, she started to drive home, making sure to take the long route and avoid Caracara just in case her suspicious were true. She didn't think her heart was ready to handle something like that right now.

* * *

The following morning came quickly. Marissa spent the night tossing and turning letting her mind go to places that they should never have to go. She crossed her fingers that Happy would come home but he never did. Marissa sighed as she noticed the time on the clock and started to get ready.

An hour later when she walked into Nikki's Diner, she saw Tara sitting in the back table nursing a cup of coffee. She gave Marissa a small smile as she sat down across from her.

"I ordered you a coffee, French vanilla." Marissa nodded her thanks and waited for the waitress to bring her mug. The two sat in silence as the enjoyed their caffeine.

"You look like shit." Tara's assessment made Marissa chuckle. Truer words had never been spoken. Marissa took another sip of her coffee before looking Tara in the eye.

"How have you been Tara?" Marissa asked, trying to tread lightly for the beginning of this conversation. If either one of them were going to make any progress then it was probably a good idea to not start off screaming.

"I still can't perform surgery but the Chief of Staff is going to let me start teaching some of the interns and residents so at least I get to hold a scalpel every once in a while." Marissa nodded and gave Tara a sad smile. She knew that all Tara wanted to do was be a good doctor and it bothered Marissa that Clay helped take that away from her.

"How about you? How's Zander?"

"He certainly keeps things interesting." Marissa put her coffee cup down and placed her arms on the counter. "When everything happened and you were supposed to go to Portland, I was pregnant Tara and Happy was talking about moving back to Tacoma and I panicked. I couldn't raise a family with Sonny being President. When I came to you and told you the truth about Piney and Clay, your lack of emotions made me feel as though I had to do something to make sure Jax stayed in town. If he would have left, there would have been no way for me to convince Happy to stay in Charming. Giving Jax those letters, burning the other ones, it was completely about me being pissed off at you."

"I still don't like that you did it Marissa or the way you went about it….but I guess, looking back, I understand. We were all just trying to do what we thought was best." Tara made sure to look Marissa in the eye when she asked the next question. "Do you really blame me for Piney's death?" Marissa took a deep breath trying to pick her words carefully.

"You shouldn't have told Piney about the letters Tara. You were just playing with fire. But at the same time, I was starting to see the writing on the wall and I could have easily spoken up and said something to Jax or Opie about what was going on but I didn't. I am just as guilty as everyone else for what happened to Piney. Look Tara, I miss you and I am always going to love you as my sister but I also understand that our relationship may never be the way it was. A lot of shit has gone down and I know that. But when I walked in to see Abel, Thomas and Zander together, I realized that my anger towards you and what happened is preventing our kids from growing up together and it's not fair to them."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying maybe we should plan some play dates for the boys and maybe started to rebuild our relationship. No one is expecting us to be glued to the hip tomorrow but maybe, we need to start putting some shit behind us. If not for us, then for the kids."

"I'd like that." Tara smiled as her cell phone started to ring. She glanced down at her phone before giving Marissa an apologetic smile. "It's the hospital." Marissa waved off Tara's apologies and they agreed to get together soon.

* * *

"How did things go with Tara?" Gemma asked when Marissa stopped by the shop to pick up Zander.

"Only time will tell." Marissa replied while helping Zander color. She jerked her head up when she heard the unmistakable roar of her husband's bike. She watched through the blinds as he got off the bike, looked at her car in the lot and then headed towards the clubhouse. Marissa stood up abruptly causing both Gemma and her son to look at her.

"Gemma, can you watch him for a few more minutes?" Marissa didn't even wait for a response as she stalked out of the office and made her way to the clubhouse. She ignored everyone as she headed straight for Happy's old room. She pushed open the door without knocking and she didn't even flinch when Happy trained his gun on her in surprise. He placed the gun down as she slammed the door.

"Are you fucking cheating on me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Happy and Marissa stared at each other from opposite ends of the room. It was the first time that Happy had truly looked at his wife in weeks and he wasn't pleased with what he saw. Even though she had makeup on her face, Hap could still make out the redness of her eyes and the look of her exhaustion on her face. Her jeans were starting to get baggy, a tell-tale sign that she wasn't eating properly, or overworked or stressed. Hell, it was probably all of the above. He placed the gun down on the dresser but never broke eye contact.

"Well?"

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" His inability to answer her with a simple yes or no was pissing Marissa off ungodly.

"You have barely been home in weeks. Your son misses you, your wife misses you and you don't seem to give a fuck anymore. So are you Happy? Did you fucking getting tired of playing husband and father and decided to fuck around on me? Is that why you have been avoiding me and our son? Let me tell you something. If you are cheating, I will survive this. I will find a way to go on but I will be damned if you continue to hurt Zander."

"Don't start that shit Marissa. I have been good to you and Zander."

"Have been being the operative word." Marissa leaned back against the wooden door and shut her eyes. She took the time to think back to when things started to get really bad and when the realization hit her, she struggled to not throw up.

"What happened the last time you went to Tacoma?" Happy avoided Marissa's eyes and she felt her world spin. "Three weeks ago, you and Tig took a trip up to Tacoma to help out with some run. You haven't been the same since then. What happened, Happy?"

"Sit down." Marissa shook her head, preferring to stand in case she needed to bolt from the room. She braced herself for the worst when he sat down in the chair in the corner.

"Remember when I left you a couple of years back?" How could Marissa forgot? That was the worst two months of her life when he left her because of what Sonny had said. It also resulted in her losing their first child together, so yeah she fucking remembered and her face showed it.

"I fucked around a lot while I was gone. Random pussy every night, just trying to get by. When I went back up there a few weeks ago, some gash I was fucking stopped by the clubhouse. She had a little boy with her about maybe 4 years old." Happy looked up at Marissa as the silent tears were sliding down her face. "She says the kid is mine."

Marissa couldn't breathe. Everything was spinning. Her husband had just told her there was a possibility that he could have fathered another child and Marissa didn't know how to process the information. She vaguely heard Happy continue to explain. He said that nothing was concrete and he wasn't sure if the kids was his but the bitch seemed adamant. She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard Happy continue to say her name. She could feel him getting closer so she turned the knob and bolted out the door. She ran all the way outside and practically ran into Tig.

"Whoa Hurricane. What's up with you?" Marissa looked Tig in his clear blue eyes and the look he gave her when he saw the tears and then Happy standing at the front door was too much for her. She pulled back from the man she looked at like a father and felt like she had been sucker punched.

"You knew didn't you?" Tig just looked down and she pushed him away, disgusted with everyone. Wordlessly, she gathered up Zander and shared a look with Gemma that said she would explain later and she quickly went to the car.

* * *

She wanted to curl up in her bed and die a slow and painful death. She wanted to shut out the world forever but she was a mother first and no matter what was going on in her heart, she still had a toddler that needed her attention. She had stopped crying last night long enough to put Zander down for bed but the second her bedroom shut, the flood works started again. She turned off her cell phone and the landline, not wanting to deal with anyone right now.

She was standing in the kitchen, making batter for pancakes when her doorbell rang. She thought about not answering it but didn't want whoever was on the other side of the door to keep ringing the damn bell and wake up her kid. She pulled the door open and groaned at the sight of Gemma and Tara standing there.

"Tig told me. I'm so sorry baby." Marissa looked blankly at Gemma before she turned and headed back towards the kitchen. The three women were quiet until they heard the pitter patter of little feet running down the hallway. Marissa had her back turned as Zander greeted the other women in the room first. She looked down when he started pulling on her pajama pants and she mustered up enough energy to smile.

"What's up kiddo?"

"Where's Daddy?" Marissa closed her eyes and tried to calm her breath.

"He's at work baby. Go wash up, we are going to have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast." She watched as her son skipped towards the bathroom and Tara said she was going to go help him.

"What are you going to do baby?" She sighed as she turned towards Gemma.

"I don't know but I don't need some old lady bullshit lesson right now Gemma. He is my fucking husband and yeah, maybe we weren't together when he left my ass but the second that bitch said she had his kid, he should have said something. He took the coward way out."

"He loves you Marissa."

"Love don't mean shit right now, Gemma. I have been blaming myself for weeks that it was my fault, that I had somehow did or said something to make him so distance. He hasn't slept in this house with me since he came back from Tacoma. I have to find an excuse night after night to explain to my son why his daddy isn't here. I've been blaming my fucking self Gemma. I thought he was getting bored with me, with our son. I thought maybe he wasn't attracted to me anymore. All of those thoughts were destroying me from the inside and out and his own fucking guilt was the real reason why he didn't come home." By the time Marissa had been done speaking, she was exhausted. She leaned against the counter and put her head down in order to calm her breathing.

"What do I go Gemma? How do I deal with this?" She felt Gemma come up behind her and place her head on Marissa's shoulder.

"I don't know baby. I honestly don't know." Marissa cried softly as Gemma rocked her back and forth.

Later on that day, Marissa pulled up to TM with a heavy heart and a murderous look in her eye. She grabbed the two bags from the trunk before she helped Zander climb down. She grabbed his hand with her free one and walked towards the garage. She could barely muster up a smile when her son pulled away and started to run towards Juice. She watched as Juice turned from his conversation with Dirty Phil and picked the kid up. Juice was like Zander's older brother and always looked out for the kid.

"Can you watch him for a few moments?" Juice nodded somberly. Everyone now knew what was going on between Happy and Marissa and they were all waiting with baited breath to see what was going to happen next. "He in there?" Juice nodded again and Marissa walked inside the clubhouse.

She made her way to her husband's room and she didn't even knock, she just threw the door open. Happy had his back to her staring out the window, but he couldn't hide the obvious smell of stale booze that seemed to be dripping out of his pores. He turned to look at his wife and was surprised to see two bags in her hand. She threw them both on the bed and glared.

"Sober up and get dressed. It's time for you to be a fucking father."

"Marissa." Marissa placed her hand up.

"I don't want to hear shit right now Hap and you can shelf that caveman attitude that's getting ready to come out. YOU fucked this up, not me. I don't know what to say to you or how I can even look at you the same again." Marissa felt her voice crack but she swallowed down the pain. "I'm going out of town for a few days and you need to be with your son while I'm gone. He misses you Happy and despite the shit that is going on, I'm not going to keep Zander from you."

"Where the hell are you going?"

"I need to clear my head." Marissa turned towards the door and before she opened it she glanced back. "You want to save our marriage? Start by showing me that you can still be the man I fell in love with."

* * *

Marissa had said goodbye to Zander and given Gemma the brief story of what she was up to. She had one more stop to make before she could get on the road. She pulled her car up in front of the hospital and walked through the automatic doors.

"Dr. Tara Knowles please." She smiled at the young receptionist who told her where she could find Tara and Marissa was on her way. She knocked twice on the wooden door before she heard Tara say to come on in.

"Hey you got a minute?" Tara nodded from behind her desk.

"Are you alright?"

"How do I go about getting a paternity test?" Tara looked at the fire in Marissa's eyes and knew that there was no changing her mind.

"You're going to Tacoma." Tara stated rather than questioned. Marissa simply nodded her head and watched as Tara grabbed her phone and said a few words before hanging up.

"I'm going with you."

"Tara, you don't have to."

"We agreed that we would start rebuilding our friendship. This is as good a place to start as any. I'll grab the materials I need, give Jax a heads up and we can get on the road." Tara's tone left no room for argument and Marissa prayed that this bitch in Tacoma was lying.


	6. Chapter 6

Jax parked his bike and watched Juice play with Zander on the makeshift play area. He looked around and saw Hap's bike and sighed. Tara had called him and told him Marissa's big scheme. Jax didn't think it was a good idea and protested fiercely. He lost the battle when Tara cut him off by saying they were already on the road and hung up on him. Seeing that Happy was still here, there was a very good chance that he didn't know about his wife's latest idea. He waved at Zander as he walked in the clubhouse and headed towards Happy's room.

"Hey bro." Jax leaned against the doorframe and watched as Happy tied his shoes before standing up.

"What's up man?" Jax and Happy's friendship had evolved over the past six years and they had established a good bond but Jax still struggled to bring up certain subjects to Happy for fear that the man could snap at any given moment.

"I saw Zander outside with Juice."

"Yeah, she dropped him off demanding I be a father or some shit. Like I don't provide for my family. She said she's going to leave town for a few days to clear her head."

"Yeah…about that…" Happy raised an eyebrow towards the club president. "Did she say where she was going?"

"Nah. She didn't really stick around long enough to say much of shit." Jax took a deep breath.

"I just got off the phone with Tara. It seems that she and Marissa have taken upon themselves to go to Tacoma and give that kid a DNA test."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Happy roared as he pulled out his cell phone.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to call Taker to give him a heads up that they are on their way and then I'm going to drive up there."

"I don't think that's a good idea bro."

"Why the fuck not?"

"You kept this shit from Marissa for weeks. You know better than anyone how stubborn that damn girl can be. You go up there; she is just going to think that you are trying to protect the bitch. She needs to do this." Happy sighed knowing that Jax was right. He still texted Taker and let him know what was going before sending his Tacoma brother a picture of Marissa. The last thing he needed was Marissa having a run in with Sonny after everything that went down a few years prior.

Jax looked up at the cameras as he saw his mother pull in the lot. By the time the pair had walked outside, Thomas and Abel had jumped out the backseat of the car and ran over to Juice and Zander to play. Reality hit Jax like a ton of bricks. This would be the first time that he and Happy were going to be alone with their boys for more than a day. Jax was getting ready to express his concerns to Happy when Tig walked up behind them and took in the scene.

"Talk about Daddy fucking daycare."

* * *

Tara had taken Marissa's keys, exclaiming that she was too wound up to drive. The first hour was spent in silence except for the soft 80s music coming from the radio. Tara glanced to the passenger seat to see Marissa blankly staring at the scenery outside the car.

"So do you have a plan?"

"Nope.'

"Do you even know who this woman is?"

"Nope." Tara sighed deeply. She knew that Marissa was always the type to act on impulse but even this was a bit much for the woman.

"So basically we are going to tear Tacoma upside down until we find a croweater with a kid?" Marissa turned towards Tara and for the first time had a twinkle in her eye.

"Yup." Tara couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey Tar, if I don't get a chance to say it later, thanks for doing this with me. You really didn't have to."

"When Wendy came back and decided that she wanted to be a part of Abel's life, I was terrified. You and I weren't speaking, Jax was knee deep in club shit and I didn't know what was going to happen with my hand." As if on instinct, Tara flexed her left fingers. "Wendy put up a good fight and I was sure that I was going to lose him. The thought of losing that little boy who had been mine since the day he was born scared the shit out of me." Tara looked over at Marissa. "I know what you did."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know about the letter that you wrote the judge on my and Jax's behalf. I also know that you went and talked to Wendy right before she left town again." Marissa leaned against the headrest.

"Nobody can keep their traps shut in that damn town."

"Gemma told Jax and Jax told me. Marissa, even when we weren't speaking and we didn't know if things were ever going to be okay with us again, you still went to bat for me." Marissa shrugged her shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal.

"You're a good mother. I didn't want to see that be taken from you." Tara reached across the console and grabbed Marissa's hand.

"And so are you. That's why I am going with you to save your family." The pair continued to ride in silence with their hands clasped and Marissa looked down and noticed for the first time that they both had on their friendship bracelets that Marissa had given them many Christmas's ago.

* * *

"Soooo….what are we supposed to do?" Jax asked as he and Hap sat in the kitchen while the three kids played in the living area. Gemma had made it known that unless there was a severe emergency; the two men were going to have to fend for themselves until their significant others returned.

"This shit can't be that hard. All we gotta do is keep the kids alive until the girls get back. How hard can that be?" Happy looked over as Zander ran into the kitchen and stood in front of his father.

"Daddy, I wanna eat." Happy looked over at Jax who seemed at a loss. Neither one of the men were good in the kitchen. Jax normally had takeout or his mom's cooking and Happy was used to Marissa taking care of all the meals.

"We can order pizza." Jax offered and Zander jumped for joy before running back to play with the others. Jax placed a call as Happy sat lost in thoughts. He knew that Marissa was going to be pissed but he didn't think that she would up and go to Tacoma without saying anything.

He needed her to understand why he had been so reluctant to tell her. It wasn't that he was scared or nervous about her reaction. A pissed of Marissa he had been about to deal with over the past few years. It was a broken Marissa that turned him inside out. Knowing that he could have potentially fathered a child while she was losing hers was something he knew would break her. She never fully dealt with what that asshole had done to her but every time someone mentioned something that pertained to that timeframe, he saw her eyes flicker with sadness. He tried everything in his power not to see that look on his wife.

She had survived so much by being with him, made sacrifices that would have destroyed a lesser woman and yet she still loved him. He just hoped whatever she found out about in Tacoma wouldn't change the love she had for him.

The five guys were eating two boxes of pizza and watching some cartoon when Zander moved his head to take a sip of juice and Happy caught a light coming from his son's neck. In a flash, Happy was off the couch and glancing at his son's neck.

"What do you got kid?" Zander pulled the necklace from underneath his shirt so his father can get a better look.

"Mama gave me." Happy looked down at the compass that had been on his wife's neck for years and a sense of dread consume his body. This was not going to end well.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Sorry for the delay. I pinched a nerve in my neck and typing for work, let alone for fiction, has been a pain in the ass. I have a few weeks off of work and I hope to get my stories back on track. Fingers crossed._

* * *

"For the tenth fucking time, she ain't here." Taker rolled his eyes as he lit up a cigarette outside of Tacoma Automotive. He had talked to Hap last night and studied the picture that was sent to him to make sure to look out for Hap's Old Lady. Apparently, this chick was not answering her phone and should have been in town by now and Hap was close to going off the deep end.

Taker and Happy had come up together as prospects a lifetime ago and developed a pretty close bond. Neither men were big on words; they preferred to allow their actions do the talking for them. Taker had worked his way up to Treasurer for the Tacoma charter and was comfortable in his role until Koz passed away and Happy transferred to the Mother Charter. Someone needed to step up and fill the void and that someone had been Taker. He was now the SAA but he wasn't always sure how many years he had left. His knees and back had been giving him hell over the past few years and there were more lines on his weathered face than he cared to count.

He understood Hap's stress. Neither one had been the type to settle down, treating women like beach balls and just moving on to the next one. Then Taker met Sara. She moved to Tacoma from Seattle and was a permanent babysitter for some of the crow eater's kids when Taker had first laid eyes on her. Off the bat, she held a different vibe about her then most of the other chicks and she didn't show any interest to all the guys' advances. She was a challenge and that's what drew Taker to her.

They had a whirlwind relationship and got married at some seedy chapel in Vegas. Two years ago, she walked in to see Taker getting his dick sucked by some crow eater after a nasty fight and all hell broke loose. When Sara ran out of the clubhouse, Taker had no idea that would be the last time he saw her alive. On the drive home, Sara was killed in a car crash.

Taker understood better than most what it was like to finally find a woman that fits this lifestyle and have her ripped from your arms. The line between husband and outlaw was always a blurry one and it was a constant battle to be both all the time. Taker had only briefly seen Marissa two times. Once was after the kid was born and some of the Tacoma guys had went down to Charming to offer their well wishes. Marissa had smiled briefly towards the guys and retreated back to the bedroom being that she had been tired. The other time was the birthday party from hell when Happy had left Marissa.

Taker saw firsthand how Happy leaving Marissa bothered him. He was even more quick tempered than usual, snapping on everyone who dared to breathe too loudly around, or balls deep in random crow eaters while clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels. Taker couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen to Hap after this latest shit.

Taker watched as a SUV with California plates pulled into the lot. Taker threw his cigarette towards the grass and waited. It didn't take long for both doors to open and Taker noticed that Marissa had brought with her Jax Teller's Old Lady. Marissa stalked towards Taker with a purpose.

"Can I help ya darlin'?" Marissa placed her sunglasses on top of her head and squinted at the man.

"You look familiar."

"We met once or twice." The manner in which he spoke let Marissa know that he was already informed that her arrival was coming.

"Hap called you?" The older man nodded and smirked when Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Figures. So who is she?"

"You sure this is a road you wanna take?"

"What's your name?" Taker held out his hand and introduced himself. "Taker, with all due respect, nothing anyone says is going to stop from finding this bitch. So either tell me who she is or I will turn this entire city upside down." Taker looked past Marissa at Tara who nodded her head in agreement. The older man sighed not knowing how this was going to play out but reached in his jean pocket and handed the tiny woman a piece of paper.

* * *

30 minutes later Tara and Marissa pulled into a diner off the Interstate. Tara had barely got the car in park before Marissa jumped out and headed towards the double doors. Marissa looked widely around the mostly empty diner before her eyes connected with a blonde woman sitting in the back booth. She was dressed in a waitress uniform and she had her head down. That wasn't what stopped Marissa dead in her tracks. It was the little boy that the woman was speaking to. The little boy with the dark curly hair and dimples that was a dead ringer for her own son. She jumped slightly when Tara placed a hand on her shoulder. Tara followed Marissa's eyes and echoed the words that the woman was thinking.

"Jesus Christ." Marissa took a shaky breath and turned to look at her friend.

"Guess we don't need that test after all."

"What are you going to do?"

"I have no fucking idea." Marissa walked towards the back booth and waited for the woman to lift up her head. There was nothing special about her. She gave off the aura of a typical crow eater: bad dye job, too much makeup, cheap perfume. Marissa wanted to throw up but she attempted to swallow her anger down.

"Can I help you?" The woman asked with a sneer on her face while the little boy looked up and smiled.

"My name is Marissa. I'm Happy's wife." The woman's eyes bulged a bit and she stood up.

"What are you doing here?"

"You know damn well what I'm doing here. Is there somewhere we can talk? Unless you want to have this conversation in front of your son." Tara moved next to Marissa.

"I can watch him while you two step outside." The woman looked skeptical but one glare from Marissa stopped her from saying anything. Instead, she followed Marissa outside.

"What's your name?"

"Stacey."

"And the kid?"

"Joshua." Marissa reached in her pure and grabbed a cigarette. She used the time it took to light it in order to get her thoughts together.

"What do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"What do you want from Happy? Why the hell did you wait four years to even open your mouth? What's your angle?"

"He needed to know."

"Why now? Why the hell did you wait so long to tell him about Joshua?" Stacy took a deep breath and Marissa watched as tears filled the woman's eyes. "Fucking hell, you're in love with him."

"I've been hanging around the clubhouse for years. I've been trying to get Happy's attention but it never worked. When he came back, people started talking. Everyone knew about some chick in Charming that was able to actually tie Happy down. The first night he was back, there was a party and he had the choice of any bitch in there but he chose me. He continued to choose me more than any other chick. I figured that had to mean something, right? Why would he want me more so than all the other girls? Kozik said it was because I was the anti-you. When he left, no one assumed that it would be forever. I found out I was pregnant and waited for him to come back. When he finally did after Kozik died, he wanted nothing to do with me. Just fucking dismissed me like…."

"Like the whore that you are?" Marissa offered.

"Taker told me that he had patched to SAMCRO, got married and had a fucking kid. I was pissed. I gave him everything I had and it still wasn't good enough."

"You gave him your pussy. So what? You decided to dangle the kid in front of him like some prize or something. You still haven't explained why you waited until now."

"He came back into town and I thought that maybe it was like before. Maybe you two broke up; maybe this time would be different. So I told him about Josh, offered to be a family. He turned me down. You won."

"I didn't realize this was a fucking competition. Obviously the kid is his so what are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"As much as I want to bash in your fucking skull and trust me that offer is still on the table, your son is innocent in all of this. So what do we go now? Do you want to set up some type of custody arrangement?"

"NO. If Happy doesn't want to be with me, then he doesn't need to be with his son."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Happy is a damn good father. You really want to keep his son away from him because you are bitter and pissed off? What kind of fucking mother are you?"

"I'm moving in three weeks. I'm going back home to Nebraska to say with my mom. I'm getting away from all this shit and I'm taking my son with me."

"What about when he gets older? Starts to ask where his father is? What are you going to tell him? Mommy was a whore with an unrealistic American dream."

"When and if Joshua asks about his father, then I will deal with that. I know all about you: perfect old lady, great mother. I will be damned if I have you take my child from me." Marissa rubbed her forehead and snickered.

"So let me get this straight: you drop a bomb on my family for absolutely nothing. Just because Happy doesn't want you, you destroyed a family for WHAT?" Both women turned towards the front door when they heard the bell and watched as the little boy ran towards them.

"Mommy, I'm hungry." He turned his big black eyes towards Marissa and smiled. "Hi. I'm Josh." Marissa knelt down.

"Hi yourself. I'm Marissa."

"You're pretty." Marissa blushed slightly. No matter how mad she was at Happy or this Stacy chick, she would never take it out on an innocent child. Someone had to be the adult in this situation and it looked like it was up to Marissa. She stood up and reached in her purse to grab a pen and piece of paper. She scribbled something down before handing it to Stacy.

"What is this?"

"I don't agree with anything you have done or what you plan on doing but like or not, we have a connection. If you every need anything for him, this is my number. Don't hesitate to call me and if I were you, I would put you disappointment aside and do what's best for your son." Marissa smiled at the little boy and headed towards the car. As soon as Tara hit the highway, Marissa allowed herself to cry.

* * *

Happy and Jax both turned from their spots on the deck when they heard the front door shut. Seconds later, Marissa and Tara came into view. The women looked at the tornado that had become the living room and let out a strained smile. Tara went out on the deck and kissed Jax before nodding towards Happy.

"Where are the boys?"

"Taking a nap. How did things go?" Jax asked as he put an arm around Tara. Tara looked at Happy and gestured towards the house.

"You need to go talk to your wife." Happy took a drag off of his joint before handing it to Jax. He opened the sliding door and watched for a few seconds as Marissa was busying herself with packing up Zander's things.

"Josh." Marissa said with her back still turned to Happy. "Your son's name is Joshua." Marissa dropped the back bag in her hand and turned around. Happy looked at her red rimmed eyes and felt a new wave of guilt. Happy stood there in silence as Marissa recounted her entire encounter with Stacy. When she finished explaining what happened, she wiped a few tears from her face. When Happy made a move towards her, she put up her hand to stop him.

"Nothing has changed, Hap. You lied to me; you made me feel as though I had done something wrong. Maybe I can understand why you did it. The timing of when he was conceived would hurt me and you were trying to prevent that. But nothing hurts worse than knowing that you were keeping something from me. I don't know how we can move on from that. I love you, Happy. I love you with every fiber of my soul and this is killing me."

"What do you want from me Marissa?"

"I want….no; I need for you to stay at the clubhouse for a while." Happy wanted to protest, to go in bad ass biker mode where he demanded to stay in his home with his family but he knew Marissa well enough to know that making demands right now would just push her further away.

"Fine."


	8. Chapter 8

It had been three months since Marissa came back from Tacoma and the trip had left her drained. Even if this chick didn't want Happy to be a part of his son's life, it didn't change the facts. He had still lied to her and tried to keep this from her. Marissa and Happy's relationship had been through a lot but she wasn't sure if this was something that they would ever recovery from.

The past three months had been exhausting. Happy had been staying at the clubhouse and they tiptoed around each other when it came to Zander. Marissa was never going to keep her son away from his father but she would be lying if she said that her heart didn't sting a little every time she saw him. Her relationship with Tara was the only bright spot in her life lately. There were nowhere near as close as they once were but each day was getting a little easier.

Marissa was in the backyard setting up tables for Zander's 3rd birthday when she heard the unmistakable sound of a Harley pulling up. She didn't even think twice to look and see who it was being as though she was concentrating on getting everything together before Zander came back from his breakfast with his father.

"Hey Hurricane." Marissa cringed slightly at the voice of the man who had once been like a father to her. Her relationship with Tig was something else that was on the outs since he knew about Happy's little secret and didn't bother to tell her. She missed him almost as much as she missed her own husband.

"Hey Tig." She turned and noticed the massive bag in Tig's hand and she couldn't help but smirk.

"You must have looked interesting riding down the street with that." Tig shrugged.

"Only the best for the kid." Tig placed the bag down and placed his hands in his pocket. "I love you Hurricane. I only wanted to protect you from any more hurt, especially after all the shit that you've been through." Marissa nodded. In her heart, she knew that was true but her head had been overriding most of her decisions lately. She saw the sincerity in Tig's eyes, the look that seemed to only be reserved for her and before she gave it a second thought, she all but ran into his arms. She squeezed her eyes tightly as she took in the familiar scent of the man who had in many ways become her father over the years. She finally pulled back when she heard a car door slam.

"Come on Grampa, help me with these decorations."

* * *

The party had been a success and Zander had more than enough fun which was all that was important. Marissa and Happy played the role of the perfect parents, even if everyone knew it was a bunch of shit. They took family photos, helped Zander open his presents together and even shared a laugh or two. The whole day had left Marissa exhausted. She kissed Zander as she strapped him into Tara's car since she was taking him back to her house for the boys to have a sleepover. She hugged Tara and thanked her for all her help and she stood in the driveway and waved goodbye. She noticed that her driveway was empty except for one motorcycle. Marissa turned and made her way back inside the house. She held the door open and stood in the foyer as she looked at Happy.

"What are you doing?'

"Why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?" Happy asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. Marissa rolled her eyes.

"It didn't match my outfit."

"Don't start your shit Marissa." Happy had been as patient as he could be with his wife but when he noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding ring when he walked in the backyard, he was consumed with rage and confusion. "Why the fuck aren't you wearing your ring?"

She slammed the door shut and somehow managed to keep herself from stomping her foot in frustration like she used to do when she was a child as she took a defensive step forward, "You're crossing the line!"

"I asked you a fucking question."

"Don't you dare yell at me."

"God, damn it, Marissa, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?!"

"I've never said there was anything you COULD do so stop asking me that! Just shut up about it!"

"NO."

She stare angrily at him, nostrils flaring in fury, "Yes!"

"NO!" He shouted back, stepping toward her defiantly.

"God damn it, Happy, just back off!" She flung the heavy vase that was sitting on the table as far as she could throw it, sending it crashing against the hardwood floor with a loud crash.

She didn't have much time to think before he had crossed the distance between them in quick strides and his lips assaulted hers as he gripped her hips and pushed her roughly until she'd hit the door with a grunt.

Her spine was completely flat against the door, as her every nerve seemed to be on alert at the moment. She arched her back and her hands half pushed at his chest and half pulled him closer with fists full of his tee-shirt.

He growled against her lips as he nibbled and pulled with his teeth, his hands pulling at her shirt, his nails-no doubt-marking her skin as he did so, while thrusting his hips against hers.

Her breath was ragged as his mouth traveled over her neck, dragging his teeth against her skin as he resumed a greedy assault on her body. His fingers trailed her stomach, her abdominal muscles twitching slightly at the feel of his fingertips and her skin burned under his touch. She responded with more intensity than she would have liked as he possessively palmed her breasts with both hands.

She moaned as her hands fell from where she had been gripping his neck, to pull at the hem of his shirt. She pulled it over his head and they both struggled to get her pants unbuttoned.

Not wanting her to come to her senses if they took too long, he pushed her hands away to do the job himself, getting the jeans undone and off her hips in record time before reaching around and lower to grab her ass and lift her to wrap her legs around his waist.

They were hurried and desperate as they somehow managed to get on the kitchen counter top. She wasn't quite sure when exactly her panties were ripped off or how they finally managed to get his pants off without sending them off the counter. All she knew was the pointed edge of the counter digging into her palm as she gripped it so tightly, her knuckles were white with the first thrust of his hips as he drove into her. She muffled a sharp cry against his shoulder and his fingertips dug into her hip and he panted against her cheek.

They paused for a second as she adjusted around him.

She was warm and hot and he needed a moment to gather his thoughts before ending anything too quickly.

Lifting his hips briefly, he pushed into her with slightly more force, causing her to cry out again, her neck arching, exposed to his mouth as he claimed it and sucked and bit down until he heard a satisfying groan.

She grabbed his neck with both hands and angled his head to meet her lips. They kissed voraciously, tongues meeting greedily, and teeth clashing sloppily and she tried to fight him as she pulled both hands off and slammed them against the counter above her head. She struggled to lift her arms but grunted as he pinned her wrists down.

He held her down with one hand and gripped the edge of the counter with the other, thrusting once more sharply, his eyes glued to hers intensely, their breath heavy as she met his every move. His thrusts were paced, but intense nonetheless. Hard and reclaiming. Animalistic grunts above pleasurable moans and groans.

There was slight pain in the way he drove into her. It was non apologetic and it was what they both wanted. What they both needed. She wrapped her legs higher, tighter around his waist and urged him deeper, her breath labored, her cries louder as they fucked each other senseless. There was no other way to describe it. They hadn't even bothered with her shirt, which was now clinging to her sweat slick torso as he tried to keep them from sliding off the counter.

She lifted her head to lick at his neck before biting the skin there to motion his lips back on hers. A string of short strokes brought her to sharp orgasm and her brow furrowed as she bit down on her bottom lip. A whimper signaled her release and she panted heavily as he finished soon after in shorter, softer strokes.

He lifted his head and stared down in question. He watched as her gaze averted and she asked him quietly to get off. When he released her, he could do nothing but watch as she walked past him towards the bedroom and slammed the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Marissa was standing in front of her full length mirror in nothing more than a bra and a pair of panties. She turned around and grimaced at the massive bruise that was on her ass. After she had ran into her bedroom and slammed the door, she wasn't sure what was going to happen next. Things had been quiet for about twenty minutes before she heard Happy's bike pull out of the driveway. She didn't know whether to be relieved or pissed off.

"What the hell happened to you?" Marissa whirled around and grabbed the towel on her bed.

"Jesus Gemma. Knocking is not an option." Gemma leaned against the doorframe and smirked.

"Oh please. There is nothing you got that I haven't seen before baby. Except for maybe that bruise." Gemma walked closer to Marissa, effectively pulling the towel from the young woman's body and turning her around to inspect it further. "Looks painful."

"I fell." Marissa lamely offered as an explanation. Gemma looked and noticed some more bruises on the woman's thigh.

"Fell where? Down a damn mountain top." Gemma stood up and caught a glimpse of Marissa's neck and couldn't stop the full smile from touching her lips.

"Was the sex still as good after all this time?" Marissa glared.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I fell." Gemma grabbed the woman and turned her towards the mirror, exposing her neck.

"You wanna keep on talking, Pinocchio?" Marissa looked at the bite marks on her neck and groaned. She quickly threw on a pair of jeans and tee shirt before pulling out her makeup bag.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I completely stand behind this by the way."

"There is nothing to stand behind. It was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened. At least it shouldn't have happened like this. Sex is not going to fix this."

"The only way to stop fighting is to start fucking." Gemma stated causing Marissa to roll her eyes.

"Words of wisdom or experience?"

"Both. Sit down Marissa. It's time for someone to tell you the goddamn truth." Marissa put her makeup brush down and took a seat in the chair that was placed in the corner.

"What?"

"You are torturing yourself and it's time to either shit or get off the pot. You and Happy have been stuck in this limbo for months now so when are you going to make some decisions? I'm not letting him off the hook completely but technically he didn't lie to you. He just didn't tell you something. That's not to say that he was never going to tell you, he just didn't tell you before you found out. I have seen your relationship go through so much, good and bad. That man loves you Marissa, I mean truly loves you and after everything that the two of you have survived, do you really want to throw it all away?" Marissa blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"What would you have done if JT was still alive when you found out about Trinity? You flew all the way to Ireland to find out about a 22 year old secret that your husband died keeping? I thought you would be on my side more than anyone Gemma."

"This is not the same thing. JT kept a whole goddamn family from me. He was in love with that Irish gash, played Daddy and Old Man while I was here. Happy didn't even know about this kid, didn't give a shit about the croweater." Gemma kneeled down so she was sure that Marissa was listening to her. "This is the love of your life, the father of your child. Can you really spend the rest of your days without him?"

* * *

Happy sat down across from Jax and Juice and winced. "Ah, fuck."

"What happened to you…really?" Happy glared at Jax.

"I told you, I smacked my knee out in the garage."

"I thought you said your hurt it in the warehouse." Juice wondered.

"Garage, warehouse, same fucking difference."

"If I didn't know better, I would say it was a sex injury. Too much strenuous activity." Jucie and Jax started laughing until they saw the look on Happy's face. "Oh fuck man." Jax said trying to sober up to no avail. The more he tried to hold in his laughter, the more it came out. "Did you hurt your back too grampa?" Juice and Jax continued to laugh.

"I will shoot you both." Happy warned, not finding any of this amusing. Once the pair calmed down, Jax looked at Happy with a serious expression on his face.

"Serves you right for screwing croweaters when you should be focusing on fixing things with Marissa. So which was it this time?" Jax asked, enjoying the first easy banter between them since Marissa went to Tacoma.

"It wasn't a croweater."

"Please don't tell me you've gone back to porn stars because the last time was a complete fucking disaster. Do you remember that Carly bitch?"

"It was Marissa."

"Oh." He replied calmly before adding with a hopeful smile, "So, that's good…that's GOOD, right?"

"I don't know," He shrugged, "-we were arguing and-she threw a vase at me and then it just happened, and she ran into her bedroom"

"You had angry sex-"

"It was a heavy vase-huge."

"—with your wife."

"-expensive too-"

"And she just ran."

"-there was a MESS."

"You two are more dysfunctional than anyone can ever fathom."

"Tell me about it."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"You want her? You've got to talk to her."

* * *

Marissa leaned against her car door as Zander ran towards his father. She couldn't help but smile as Happy ruffled the boy's hair before placing him on his lap. After Gemma left, Marissa spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of what was going on in her life and she finally was able to come to a conclusion that she hoped she wouldn't leave to regret.

She pushed herself off the door and walked towards the pair as Happy was explain to Zander what he was doing on his motorcycle. Happy looked up as she approached and nodded his hello.

"What's up?"

"The fair starts tomorrow. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with Zander and I."

"Yeah Daddy. Let's go to the fair." Zander put his two cents in making Marissa chuckle.

"Fair sounds good. What time?"

"I'm thinking after work. Maybe 6ish."

"GRAMPA!" Zander scrambled off Happy's lap and ran towards Tig who had stepped into the bay area. Happy stood up and Marissa's breath hitched at the closeness between them.

"I was thinking…after the fair, maybe you could come by the house, help me put Zander to sleep." Marissa looked down at the rings that she placed back on her finger. "Then maybe we could talk…or something." Happy smirked slightly and grabbed her hand in his.

"I'll be there."

A few weeks later and Marissa winced as she heard Happy throwing up in the master bathroom. The pair had been working on their marriage and just when things were starting to get somewhere, some goddamn flu seemed to spread throughout Charming, making everyone sick. She heard the toilet flush and the running of water before Happy appeared in front of her eyes.

"This is all your fault." Happy accused while flopping down next to her on the bed.

"I told you I was sick and you should stay in Zander's room. You were the one that refused."

"I haven't slept in the same bed as you in months. You weren't getting rid of me that quickly." Happy turned his head as he seemed to cough his lungs out.

"Poor baby." Marissa leaned up to grab the bottle of antibiotics and glass of water. "Here darling. Lay down and get some rest. I'm going to go check on Zander."

An hour later, Marissa poked Happy to wake him. "Hey baby. Zander is napping. I gotta run to the store to pick up some supplies. Can you please listen out for the kid?"

"Everything alright?'

"Yeah, I just need to pick up some more meds and liquids." Marissa leaned down to kiss Happy before running out of the room.

She was swinging her legs over the exam room as she bit down on her lip. "I've been feeling dizzy and nauseous lately. It's just the flu, right?"

Tara shut her chart and turned around to look at Marissa. "Well you do have the flu."

"Thank God."

"But…you are also pregnant." Marissa's eyes bulged out of her head.

"SHIT!" She squealed and leaned over, bracing herself on her knees as her head hung forward, "SHIT." She looked up at Tara, "Shit!" She said, as if demanding further explanation.

"I didn't do it."

"SHIT!" Marissa said again.

Tara moved closer to get a better look at Marissa. "Are you okay?" Silence. "Are you having a breakdown?" Nothing. "SHIT! I'll call Gemma." Tara exclaimed while pulling out her phone.

15 minutes later, Tara all but dragged Gemma into the exam room while Marissa continued to sit there motionless.

"What the hell is going on?" Gemma asked as she straightened out her jacket. She turned to look at Marissa. "What's wrong with her?"

"She seems to be pregnant."

"Shit." Gemma exclaimed, with a bit more enthusiasm than Marissa had earlier. "Well what seems to be the problem?"

"She's gone completely blank. She can hear you. She can see you. She's freaking out. She forgot how to talk, I think." Gemma snapped her fingers in front of Marissa's face causing the Latina to give the older woman an annoyed look.

"Snap out of it or I will call Happy myself."

"Don't you dare." Marissa growled. "We are barely back together. I can't be pregnant right now. This shit doesn't make sense. What the hell am I going to do?"

"You are going to go home and talk to your husband." Marissa glanced up at the clock and cursed again.

"Damn it. I left my cell phone at home. I've been gone for almost two hours." Marissa jumped off the table and ran around to gather her clothes.

* * *

By the time she pulled up in front of her house, her nerves well all over the place. Things went from bad to worse when she opened the front door and Happy was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, Zander playing in the living room.

"I left my cell phone. I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Happy scratched the back of his head.

"What's going on and I better not hear the word "supplies" because I'm not buying that shit anymore." Marissa took a deep breath as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Remember Zander's birthday party?"

"Yeah."

"Remember what we did after the party?" Happy smile despite himself.

"Yeah."

"Happy are you not putting two and two together right now? I'm pregnant!" Happy's face fell and he seemed to stop in his tracks.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup." Happy looked over as Zander threw ball and broke one of the pictures hanging up. Happy turned back towards Marissa and echoed the same phrase that she had been saying all day.

"Shit."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: This is more of a fun, light chapter. Even bikers and their old ladies deserve a little laughter from time to time smile**

* * *

"Are you high?!" Marissa exclaimed as she sat across from her doctor. Tara looked at the young man with an apologetic stare. "You must be high."

"Mrs Lowman, you have high blood pressure and you are not gaining nearly enough weight as you should be during your second trimester. Bed rest is the best possible option for you right now."

"You think forcing me to lie in bed all goddamn day is going to lower my blood pressure?" Marissa shook her head in disbelief. "I have a business to run, a child to cater to and a husband to raise." Tara turned sharply towards Marissa. "What the hell am I supposed to do at home? I hate daytime television, I don't knit, and I hate not have the luxury to do what I want to do when I want to do it."

Marissa knew she was pouting but this entire pregnancy had been a big pain in her ass. Her morning sickness had been intense and constant, her hormones were out of control and more often than not, she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. It was as if she was being punished considering how easy things had gone while she was carrying Zander.

"For the next four months, it is important for you to remain in a stress free environment." Marissa started to laugh.

"Stress free? Are you new around here? My life will never be stress free." The young man seemed to shrink at the look Marissa was giving him.

"The only other option is keeping you in the hospital for the reminder of your pregnancy to monitor you."

"You motherfu-"

"Marissa…" Tara tried to interject.

"No, Tara. You know what's going to happen when I go home and tell Hap that they put me on bed rest? Do you? My house is going to turn into the fucking Biker Babysitter's Club. Hap will have everyone on rotation working my last damn nerve and I'm not having that shit." Tara turned towards the doctor and smiled.

"Thank you Dr. Barnes. I will personally make sure that Marissa follows all of the instructions that you have outlined for her." Marissa looked up to glare at her best friend.

"Oh bite me."

* * *

A month later, Gemma walked into Marissa's bedroom to see the woman propped up on pillows, throwing darts at the wall. Gemma took a better look at her target and laughed. It was a mug shot of Happy that Marissa was aiming at.

"Whatcha doing?" Gemma asked in a childlike tone.

"Hoping that I can perform some voodoo and one of these darts will pierce Happy's head."

"Any particular reason?" Gemma placed the salad that she brought with her and sat it down on Marissa's night stand before taking a seat next to Marissa on the bed.

"He's a fucking moron." Gemma grabbed the remote control and started channel surfing until Marissa ran out of darts and started to talk. She knew that Marissa was on the verge of homicide. She had done nothing but be able to lay on the bed or the couch for the past month and was dependent on others. She had effectively ran off two prospects and made three sweet butts cry.

"That motherfucker threw away my vibrator." Gemma looked shocked at Marissa.

"Why would you need a vibrator when you have a husband?"

"Because my husband won't have sex with me!" Marissa exclaimed as she grabbed a celery stick from the bowl in between the two women. Yeah, she was fully aware that her cravings were resembling what she was severely lacking in her life right now.

"Why?"

"He seems to think that his dick will somehow give the kid brain damage or something."

"He what?!" Gemma started to laugh loudly.

"Don't laugh. This shit is not funny!"

"He can't possibly believe that can he?"

"He watched some Discovery Health bullshit on pregnancies and now I get nothing. He's taking this whole bed rest bullshit to the extreme. Ugh, I guess on one hand it would be sweet, but I didn't marry sweet; I married Happy."

"This pregnancy has been tough on both of you." Marissa leaned her head back against the headboard and took a deep breath.

"Are you telling me I'm being unreasonable?"

"You're pregnant, horny and going through cabin fever. You're not thinking clearly."

Tara appeared in the door frame and flopped down on the chair next to Marissa' bed. "Hey. What are we doing?"

"Mourning my sex life."

"Huh?" Marissa repeated her story and just like Gemma had done earlier, Tara seemed to find the whole thing amusing.

"Are you two done getting your seven damn chuckles yet?"

"He's being a protective Daddy. I think it's sweet."

"Downright adorable." Gemma agreed as she and Tara shared an amused glance, further pissing Marissa off.

"I hate both of you bitches."

* * *

"Hiding from the wife?" Happy looked up from his spot at the bar to see Jax approaching.

"I'm dreaming about shooting her in her sleep." Happy remarked and he was in no way joking. In the past twenty four hours, Marissa had gone from cuddling with him while watching movies with their son; to screaming at him that he must be getting service from some whore on the street since he wasn't sleeping with her to her crying when he told her there was no more Snickers Ice Cream in the freezer.

Zander at the tender age of three, also seemed to know his mother was currently on the Crazy Train and avoided her as much as possible. The kid wasn't happy about having a baby in the house in the first place and he was really starting to show out more and more each day.

"You only got a month left bro and then your wife will be back to normal."

"Consider yourself lucky that you were on the inside when Tara had her kid. I know that she's miserable and frustrated but shit, she's pushing my last button." Happy took a double shot of Jack to try to tamper down his frustrations. "Do you know that she threw a goddamn Wii remote at Phil's head because he tried to help her pass a level on fucking Mario Bros?" Jax laughed loudly.

"That would explain why the fucker looked like he was going to shit himself when I told him to go to your house."

"You and Tara thinking about having anymore?" Jax shook his head as he opened a beer.

"We haven't talked about."

"Don't." Happy warned.

"Good afternoon gentlemen." The pair nodded their head at Chuckie who had come from the kitchen with a plate. Jax nudged Happy before talking.

"Hey Chuckie. Looks like you are on Marissa duty tonight. We have a run." Happy watched as the color seemed to drain his face.

"I don't accept that." The two fingered man said quietly.

* * *

"This is fucking ridiculous!" Marissa exclaimed from her spot on the couch. "First I'm on bed rest for what feels like eternity and now I'm past my due date." Marissa placed a hand on her belly. "My kid isn't even here yet and it already hates me."

"Your child doesn't hate you, just stubborn like the parents." Tara grinned before leaning down to kiss Marissa on the forehead. "I'll be at the hospital if you need anything. Please be nice to the boys today." Marissa offered Tara the finger as she walked out.

Two hours later, Marissa felt a sharp pain attack her while she watched The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas for the thirtieth time. She took a deep breath and tried to get comfortable. By the third round of pain, Marissa finally figured out what was going on and started to panic.

"JUICE!" Marissa yelled as she struggled to stand up. Juice came running in the living room from Zander's bedroom where he had been playing with the young boy. "We have to go."

"Marissa, we can't go anywhere. Do you want Happy to kill me because he will?" Juice begged causing Marissa to smack his shoulder.

"Juice, listen to me…"

"I know that you are uncomfortable and you hate being in the house but you have to stay put Rissa. None of us wants anything to happen to the baby." Marissa groaned loudly. Leave it to Juice to be completely oblivious to the scene in front of him

"Juice…"

"Mommy?" Zander asked as he peeked up at his mother from behind the hall.

"JUICE!" Marissa screamed to get his attention and watched in horror and amusement as he jumped back when Marissa's water broke all over his boots. "We have to get to the hospital."

"No more." Marissa announced as she tried to get comfortable in the hospital bed while Happy held the bundle that was wrapped in a blue blanket.

"Agreed. Don't think I could deal with that shit again." Marissa shared a smile with her husband as the door opened and she motioned for Tara and Jax to come in. Zander was holding Jax's hand tightly as Happy took a seat and motioned for his son to come closer.

"Come here kid and meet your little brother." Zander watched with fascinating eyes as the newborn lay still in his father's arms, sleep and unaware that he had an audience.

"What's his name?" Tara asked as she looked at the little boy over Happy's shoulder.

"Aiden Michael." Marissa answered with a smile on her face as she watched her family interacting with one another. It was then she decided that the nine months of hell had truly been worth it.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I always knew that this story was going to be a lot shorter than the previous two and it's bittersweet to know that the trilogy would be ending soon. This story was never to be written in the same format as the previous two. This story was more of a "full circle" type of story. I wanted to give Happy and Marissa a true ending.**

* * *

_Seven Years Later_

Marissa jumped out of the shower and made her way to her bedroom. She grabbed her robe from the back of the door and grabbed her robe. As she was dropping the towel and putting on the robe, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She walked closer to the mirror and started what had become her daily inspection.

She couldn't believe this day had finally arrived. She was officially 40 years fucking old. Marissa pulled back some of the skin around her neck while she glared at herself. Deep down, she knew that she looked damn good for a woman who had two kids. She worked out five days out of the week in order to keep her body intact. Other than a few laugh lines, she was wrinkle free and she had even quit smoking four years ago when Zander came home from school crying that smoking was going to kill her.

The past seven years had brought a lot of change, good and bad. The club had to bury Bobby after a heart attack took the man's life. Jax and Tara finally got married and welcomed another son, Jayden to their growing family. Marissa knew that Tara was disappointed because she always wanted a little girl. The consignment shop was doing better than ever, thanks in large part to Juice's amazing social media skills. Marissa and Gemma were finally able to hire some outside help, allowing them the time to spend their families.

One of the darkest times had occurred two years prior when the inevitable showdown happened between Tig and Clay. Clay had gone NOMAD after the truth about Piney had come out. It was rare that Clay ever made his way back to Charming and for the most part, he was never really a thought in anyone's mind. If someone had been checking up on him, they would have known that Clay was slowly losing his mind on the road. Everything that he had built was ripped from him and he was a lost man.

He showed up at Gemma's house one day to find Tig had moved in and was now taking care of his woman. Clay lost it. He showed up at the clubhouse, guns blazing. It was nasty sight that ended with Clay dead and Tig fighting for his life. Tig spent many months in recovery after taking a bullet to his lung.

It was an interesting time for everyone. No one took things harder than Jax, surprisingly enough. The transition to President was a rocky road for Jax. He desperately wanted to live up to this father's vision but despite where his blood lines lay, there was a major part of him that was Clay's son. Jax had to come to the realization that SAMCRO would never be just a bike club; they would always have ties to a dangerous lifestyle.

Marissa's thought were interrupted by the slamming off her front door and her two sons yelling at each other. Marissa grabbed her clothes and quickly got dressed before opening her bedroom door.

"Shut up, stupid!" 11 year old Zander screamed at his 7 year old brother. Zander was his father's child from tip to tail. Protective, loyal, deep black eyes that seemed to look right into a person's soul. He also had his father's temper combined with his mother's mouth which always seemed to get him in trouble.

"Hey. Don't talk to your brother like that. What's going on?" Marissa looked at both of her boys.

"Zander got in trouble again." Zander went to lunge towards Aiden and the younger boy quickly ran towards his bedroom. Aiden was reserved, quiet, almost borderline shy. He was all about video games and baseball, which naturally meant that Juice was his favorite person in the world.

"What happened this time?"

"It's not a big deal, Ma."

"Alexander." Zander swallowed back his fear. Whenever his mother pulled out the full names, he knew someone was going to be in trouble. He reached inside his back pocket and handed Marissa a note.

"Another fight?! What was this one about?" Zander looked down at shoes. "I'm sorry; do you think you have the option of not answering me?"

"Owen Thompson said that Dad was a killer. I told him to shut up and he wouldn't….so I hit him." Marissa sighed to herself. She knew it was only a matter of time before the boys were going to have problems at school due their connection with SAMCRO. Tara and Jax had to deal with the same problems in regards to Abel just a few years back. While Marissa was proud to know that her son was protective of his family, she couldn't let him slide with this one.

Marissa tried her best to give the boys a normal life. She signed them up for baseball and football, sent them to summer camp but she knew that no matter what she did, one day her boys would go to Happy and ask for a cut and a Harley, much like Jax and Opie had done decades earlier.

"Well, looks like you are suspended for three days. You know what that means don't you? That means you have to come work with me at the shop." Zander's eyes widened.

"But mom, why can't I just work at the auto shop with Dad?"

"Because that would be like rewarding you and I'm not getting ready to do that?"

"You're so unfair!" Zander screamed just as the front door opened.

"Hey. What the hell are you yelling about boy?" Zander turned with fearful eyes towards his father. If there was one thing that Happy did not tolerate, it was the children being disrespectful to their elders.

"Mom's making me work at the stupid thrift store."

"If you don't work at the stupid thrift store, then I suggest you find a way to keep your ass in school like you are supposed to be. Now go in your room so I can talk to your father." Zander looked between his parents before sighing and retreating back towards his room.

Happy looked questioningly at Marissa who quickly explained the situation at hand. She rolled her eyes when she saw the sense of pride that Happy had on his face. "Don't give me that look, Hap. Rate he's going, they are going to kick his ass out." Marissa headed towards the kitchen to get a head start on dinner.

"He's protecting his family. We taught him that." Marissa nodded as she reached in the fridge to grab the marinated chicken.

"Yeah, yeah. I hope you feel the same way when we end up bailing him out at thirteen." She squealed when Happy smacked her ass and put his arms around her. He bit the space between her ear and shoulder, making her squirm.

"Happy Birthday, reina." She looked down at the box in his hands as he opened it to reveal a beautiful ring with two stones on: both to represent her son's birthdays. She watched as Happy placed the ring on her right ring finger and she turned to give her husband a kiss.

"Thanks baby." She pulled back to smile at him.

* * *

Marissa sighed as she finally was able to hang up the closed sign at Anarchy Exchange. It was time for her least favorite night: end of the year inventory. She started to make her back towards her office while she waited for Gemma and some of the other workers to make their way in. Marissa plopped down in the leather chair and grabbed her cup of coffee. She glanced at the pictures that lined her desk and couldn't help but smile.

Despite all the craziness, she had managed to have a pretty damn good life. She knew that things would never be normally, but the insanity seemed to take longer breaks nowadays. Marissa pulled up the bookmarks on her laptop as she placed an order for Aiden's birthday. He was getting ready to turn eight and all he wanted was video games. Shit was expensive, especially the kind he son wanted. She grimaced as she put her credit card information in the system before hitting ok.

Her cell phone rang and she grabbed to answer it without looking at the caller id. "Hello?"

"May I please speak with Marissa?" The question made Marissa sit up straight. It was a woman's voice that Marissa was unfamiliar with.

"This is she."

"My name is Ruth Sampson. My grandson Joshua is your husband's son." Marissa gripped the desk tightly with her free hand. It had been a lot of years since she heard that name. She hadn't seen the little boy since her trip to Tacoma. She never forgot about the child, but she had put him in the back of her mind for a lot of years.

"How may I help you, Mrs. Sampson?" Marissa looked up as Gemma made her way through the door with a tray of coffee in her hand. Marissa put her finger to her lips to silence Gemma as she waited for the woman on the phone to tell her what she wanted.

"There is no easy way to say this, but my daughter Stacy…she died about three days ago." Marissa was shocked and confused all at once.

"I'm sorry for your loss ma'am." She tried to avoid Gemma's questioning stares.

"Thank you but the reason why I'm calling is, my husband and I are too long in the tooth to be running after a teenager. We didn't have any other children besides Stacy and I don't have any kin that is capable of raising Josh. Figured maybe it's time his father helped out." Marissa was floored by the request. Her own children didn't even know that Joshua existed. How was she going to explain it to them? However, her own words from years ago seemed to haunt her. Joshua was innocent in all of this and Marissa really couldn't envision not being able to be there for the young man.

"I would have to talk this over with my husband first."

"I completely understand dear."

"How much does Joshua know?'

"Nothing. Stacy always avoided his questions when it came to his father." Marissa grimaced but didn't reply. "Well, I'll let you talk things over with your husband but please let me know sooner rather than later."

"Will do. Thank you for calling." Marissa hung up the phone and placed it on the desk. She sat stunned as she tried to wrap her head around everything that just happened.

"What's wrong baby?" Gemma asked startling Marissa. Marissa opened and closed her mouth a few times as she tried to get the words out. Finally she all but gave up in trying to explain and just leaned back and closed her eyes.

"Looks like I'm going to need a bigger house."


	12. Chapter 12

Marissa stared out into the backyard with a cup of coffee in her hand. She was staring at Josh who was sitting down at the patio just staring out into space. The past two weeks had been hectic for the Lowman family. Marissa insisted on bringing Joshua back home and after a day of arguing, Happy finally relented.

Telling the boys had been difficult. Aiden wasn't too swayed either way, he had just been pissed that he would now have to share a room with Zander. Zander had been another story. He lashed out towards his father and mother, pissed that he didn't even know that he had a brother. He was mad at Happy who he felt betrayed his mother, despite Marissa trying her best to explain that wasn't the case.

Tara had gone with Marissa to Nebraska to pick up the young man. Happy, of course, found a reason why he couldn't go. The Sampson's were a lovely older couple living out on a farm trying to enjoy their last days. Joshua had seemed like a sweet boy, quiet, only spoke when spoken to. Marissa found out that Stacy died from a drug overdose and that Josh had been the one to find his mother dead. That kind of tragedy would hurt anyone. Add that to having his entire life uprooted and being stuck in a house with a father he didn't know and a brother who blatantly resented him was practically unbearable.

"Hey." Marissa accepted a kiss from Happy before taking another sip of her coffee.

"You have to talk to him, Happy." Happy sighed as he ran a hand over his bald head.

"Marissa…"

"No, Hap. You are his father and you've said barely three words to him in two works. Now I know talking isn't your strong suit, but you need to try."

"What do you want me to say, Rissa? 'Hey kid, your mom was a croweater that was tossed around the club like a fucking football and I didn't even know about you til you were four and I didn't stick around cause I had a wife and kid'." Marissa grimaced at his description.

"Maybe not in those words. He needs to feel like this is a safe place for him. Whether anyone likes or not, he's here to stay. So go talk to him." Marissa pushed Happy towards the sliding door and he turned to glare at her before walking outside.

"What are you doing?" Happy's voice startled the young man and he looked up towards Happy before glancing back towards the tree.

"Nothing." Happy took a seat next to him and lit up a cigarette. The pair sat in silence until Happy cleared his throat. "I don't know how to do this." Josh turned to look at him. "I don't know how to talk to you about this shit. Never been my thing, that's more my old lady's job."

"She's nice." Happy nodded.

"Sorry about your mom." Josh sighed deeply as he kicked his legs back and forth.

"She's been on drugs my whole life. Wasn't much of a mother."

"But she was still your mom." Happy stated. He couldn't relate, as his mother was his entire world but one thing he did know was that you always loved the woman that gave you life, even if you didn't always want to.

"Do you even want me here? It's not like I even knew you existed." Happy flicked his lighter a few times trying to find this best way to answer his question.

"You are my son, my blood and that is not something I take lightly. It was years before I even knew you existed. By that time, I was married and had a kid. Before I could even wrap my head around the shit, your ma up and took you away. Didn't really give me a chance to know you."

"Would you have wanted to? Get to know me?"

"I've lived my life on the road, never really took the time to put down roots. Marissa changed all that. She gave me shit I didn't even know I wanted. When she found out about you, she went up to Tacoma to talk to your ma, was fully prepared to hash out some sort of custody shit." Happy made sure Josh was looking him in the eye when he spoke again. "Given the opportunity, I would have been there for you, as much as I was allowed to be." Josh nodded his head in understanding.

"Your boys don't seem too happy to have me here."

"My boys are acting like little shits right now. They'll come around; don't have much of a choice. Look kid, I'm not much of a talker and I damn sure ain't some touchy feely kind of Dad, but I always make an effort when it comes to my kids. That includes you. We all gotta make some adjustments but it'll work out." Happy glanced back to see Marissa still standing by the door and Josh followed his gaze. "That woman in there wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

Marissa leaned her head against the shower wall as she felt a wave of nausea attack her. She had been feeling like shit on and off for months now and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why. Marissa took a deep breath and tried to wash the soap off her body before turning the water off. She wrapped a towel around herself and used her hand to wipe the mirror. The sight in front of her startled her. There were bags under her eyes and she had lost a considerable amount of weight lately. As per usual, Marissa chalked it up to stress.

It was a long complicated process trying to get her family in order and it was not without a shitload of problems. Two years later, and things were finally starting to work out. Josh and Zander had grown closer, and a lot of that had to do with Thomas. The young Teller had been a major influence on both guys, forcing them to hang out in situations and somewhere along the lines; they finally started to see each other as siblings.

When that started to happen, Aiden had started to feel a little left out and Marissa had to beg the teenage boys to include him. She reminded both of them that Aiden was just trying to find his place in this family and that even though he was few years younger, he was still a Lowman. Marissa reached her head down as she started to couch uncontrollably. When she pulled her hand back, she was shocked to see small traces of blood. Marissa quickly washed her hands and ran into the bedroom to get dressed.

Today was a big day for the family of SAMCRO. Abel was graduating high school and there was a party to be had. Although Marissa felt like Abel could care less about the graduation, he just wanted the party to arrive so he could finally put that prospect vest on his body. Tara was beyond nervous about her son becoming part of SAMCRO, but she knew that it was inevitable. Like it or not, Tara was bound to SAMCRO until the day she died.

"You alright?" Marissa turned to look at Happy who was staring at her intently.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You seemed a little off last night." Marissa was really hoping that Happy hadn't noticed but after sex between the two of them, she had rolled over and cried silently at the pain that seemed to rip through her cervix. Sex had been hard on her lately, it seemed like every time her husband laid on top of her, she was bound to be in a world of pain. She tried desperately to keep it from Happy but obviously she hadn't been doing the best job.

"I'm fine, Hap." Marissa walked over to kiss her husband soundly on the mouth. "I gotta head to the clubhouse."

* * *

"I'm assuming those aren't tears of joy." Marissa said as she bumped her hip with Tara while they watched Jax put the Prospect cut on his son's shoulders.

"I've been trying to prepare myself for years. Ever since we bought him a toy motorcycle when he was four. I've grown to love this club, I really have Marissa. But is it so wrong that I wanted more?" Marissa shook her head as she pulled Tara into a side hug.

"Nah baby, not wrong, just unrealistic." Marissa watched as Gemma pulled her grandson in for a hug and kissed both of his cheeks before the rest of the clubhouse erupted in applause. Marissa looked over and saw a pained expression on Opie's face. She was sure that the gentle giant was probably thinking about his own son. Kenny and Ellie decided years ago that they wanted to live with Donna's sister and even though it ripped Opie apart, he had let them go. Neither one of his children kept in touch, avoiding Charming as much as possible.

"Go and be with your boys. I gotta head to the bathroom." Marissa walked past everyone, ruffling Abel's shoulder length hair in the process on her way to the bathroom. She locked the door, unzipped her pants and took a seat. She hissed loudly as she felt a sharp pain as she tried to pee. Marissa sat there for a long time as she weighed her options. When peeing becomes a problem, Marissa knew that this was something that she could no longer ignore. She had to make a doctor's appointment and figure out what the hell was going on.

She stood up to wash her hands and she couldn't help but notice that she was shaking. Marissa rang her hands out as she tried to steady her breathing. She opened the door and tried to put a smile on her face as she walked toward the bar and grabbed the beer from Zander before he could take a sip.

"Ma." Zander protested but he had a smile on his face knowing how his mother got.

"You have football camp in less than two months. Gotta stay focused baby." Marissa sipped the beer and winked before walking away.

"You ever thought we would see this day?" Gemma asked as she stood next to Marissa. Even in her sixties, nothing about Gemma seemed to change. Her wardrobe was still fierce, her face was till beautiful and her bite was sharper than ever.

"Hell no." Marissa laughed to herself. She smiled as she heard Chibs yell with excitement as Kerrianne beat Phil in a game of pool before pulling his daughter in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She turned towards Gemma. "We really survived, didn't we?"

"Yeah baby. We always do."

* * *

Marissa sat nervously in the doctor's office while she waited for Dr. Barnes to come back with her test results. She waited until Tara and Jax had taken the boys on a camping trip before making an appointment at St. Thomas. The last thing she wanted to deal with was the guilt of keeping something from her best friend. She didn't want to worry anyone until she was absolutely certain that there was something to worry about.

She looked up as the door opened and Dr. Barnes walked in with a file in his hand and a somber look on his face.

"Mrs Lowman, I have your test results back."

"Well shit, I would hope so after all the probing you did." Marissa tried to make a joke but she felt her stomach drop when Dr. Barnes didn't even crack a smile.

"I really don't know how to tell you this."

"Just rip the Band-Aid off doc." Dr. Barnes took a deep breath before looking Marissa in the eye.

"You have Endometrial Cancer."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: We are headed into the home stretch dolls. This has been, by far, the most difficult chapter I've ever had to write. Marissa is a character that has become near and dear to my heart and knowing that I'm getting ready to say goodbye to her is a bit devastating.**

**On a complete side note: if you haven't checked out "Gypsy Soul", I would be honored if you did and could possibly review. Jolie is a character that I am really excited about writing and in my head, this will turn out being my longest and most elaborate story to date.**

**I also would like to thank_ heathereen_ for giving me some great websites for my research. **

**Enough with the ramble, here we go.**

* * *

Marissa drove into the lot of TM as if she was on auto-pilot. To be honest, ever since she left the hospital two weeks ago, her entire life was on auto-pilot. She had yet to tell anyone what happened and she didn't even know how to begin to explain. She walked into the office and smiled at Kerrianne. The young woman had showed up at Charming a few years ago to get to know her father better and never left. She had taken over the day to day operations at TM and if Marissa couldn't help but notice that there was something brewing between the young woman and Juice. She didn't know how Chibs felt about it though.

"Hey baby girl. I thought Gemma would be here." Kerrianne smiled big as she moved some files around.

"She's in the clubhouse. She seems to be worried about something." Marissa furrowed her eyebrows before thanking the girl and making her way across the lot. She waved her hello to the different people that she passed and smiled at Juice before raising an eyebrow, causing the man to chuckle.

Walking into the clubhouse, Marissa noticed that Gemma was sitting at the bar smoking a joint and staring off into space. Marissa took a seat next to the woman and placed her purse on top of the bar.

"What happened now?" Almost twenty years in this town and Marissa learned that is was easier to just get to the fucking point. A quiet, deep in thought Gemma was never a good sign.

"Some problem with the Niners." Marissa grabbed the joint from Gemma's hand and took a pull. Leroy had been killed a few years back and it seemed to be a non-stop ongoing line of President's to take over his spot. Each man was more psychotic than the last.

"That's nothing new."

"Tig says Jax is tired of the bullshit, thinks that something needs to be handled once and for all." Gemma looked over at Marissa as she seemed to concentrate on the joint in her hand. "They may have to go back on the inside." Marissa choked on the smoke that was filling her lungs as her eyes widened in fear.

"NO! They can't go in, not now." Gemma looked confused for a second.

"What the hell is your problem? Wouldn't be the first Happy has gone in while he was with you and it's not like the kids are babies or some shit." Marissa racked her brain as she tried to weigh her options. She had a hysterectomy scheduled for next week and there was no way she was going to get through this with her husband locked up. It didn't matter if it was going to be for three months or three years, being apart was not something she was prepared to do.

"I need a favor. Come to my house tonight for dinner. You, Tig, Jax, and Tara. There is something I need to talk you guys about."

"Is everything alright baby?" Marissa shook her head as she grabbed her purse.

"Just please make sure to be there."

* * *

The dinner had been uneventful. A lot of conversation and laughs were shared among the three couples. Once the dishes had been cleaned and there was coffee brewing, Marissa gave the boys some money and sent them out to the movies.

Zander knew that there was something big getting ready to go done because Marissa gave up her car keys without even having to be begged. A part of the teenager wanted to stick around and find out what was going, but Josh, Aiden and Thomas wanted to go, so he followed.

Marissa stirred the spoon in her mug over and over again as she tried to find the words in order to begin this conversation.

"You done yet?" Marissa looked over at Happy who seemed to be annoyed at the constant noise her spoon was making. She stopped her actions and looked at the people sitting at the table. They were her family, the people that had been through so much with her. There were her backbone and shoulder when she needed and now she was getting ready to drop a bomb that could alter that completely.

"I have to tell you guys something."

"We figured when you wanted to have this impromptu dinner." Tara stated as she took a sip of coffee.

"I've been feeling a little off lately. Haven't been able to keep shit down, having pain that I can't really describe, that kind of shit. I held out for a while, figuring it would go away on it's on but it didn't so I made an appointment at the hospital." Marissa took a shaky breath as she blinked furiously to stop the waterworks.

"What did he say Hurricane?" Marissa titled her head and gave Tig a small smile.

"I have cancer, Endometrial. Its…uh..it's on the inner lining of my uterus. I have a hysterectomy scheduled for next week. The doctor said he will know more than."

"Why are you waiting a week? I could have the surgery scheduled for tomorrow." Tara said as tears filled her eyes but Marissa simply shook her head.

"The kids are going to camp. I don't want them to be here to see me like this." She jumped when Happy stood up from the table, causing the chair to smack into the wall behind him. She closed her eyes as a few seconds later; they all heard the slamming of the front door.

Jax started to get up. "I'll go after him." Tig placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder and shook his head.

"Nah man. This one is me." Tig rounded the table and kneeled down in front of Marissa. He grabbed her head and both of his hands and searched her eyes. After a few moments of silence, he kissed her softly on the forehead and headed out of the house.

* * *

"Figured I would find you here." Tig said as he took a seat next to Happy. Tig was one of the few people that knew about the park that Happy would visit to clear his head. It would make the most sense for Tig to be the one to come and check on him. After all, they were the two men that loved Marissa the most. Tig looked over when he heard Happy kick a few rocks in front of him.

"She should have told me sooner."

"Yeah she should have but knowing Hurricane, she had her own reasons."

"None of them would fucking matter." Happy reached into his pocket for his pack of smokes. Tig played with his rings before opening up to his brother.

"When Bobby died, I was like what the fuck man. He was always a fat bastard but to die on his bedroom floor, clutching his fucking chest? Never thought that would happen." Tig let out a loud groan in order to get his emotions in check. "We are supposed to die bloody in a blaze of glory."

"Not weak in some goddamn hospital bed." Happy finished for him. He looked down at his lighter with the smiley face staring back at him. It was a gift from Aiden for Christmas last year and Marissa had laughed so hard when she saw it, tears had streamed down her face. "Always figured I would be the one to leave her, not the other way around."

"You're talking like she's already dead and I won't stand for that shit. Yeah, she's got cancer but we don't know how bad it is yet so don't go putting her in the ground just yet." Happy looked over at his brother and best friend with so much intensity, Tig fought the urge to look away.

"I won't be able to do this without her. That stubborn bitch is everything to me." Tig placed a hand on Happy's shoulder and squeezed.

"You just said it yourself: Hurricane is stubborn. There is no way in hell she's going down without a fight."

* * *

It was close to three in the morning by the time Marissa heard Hap's bike pull up into the driveway. The boys were staying at Jax and Tara's for the night and she had yet to move from her spot on the table. She heard him place his keys on the bowl by the door before he appeared in front of her. She looked up to meet his eyes and waited for the yelling to start.

"You should have fucking told me!"

"I know."

"What happened to full disclosure?"

"It died when you failed to tell me about Josh." Even though it had been years since Marissa found out about her step son, it still stung and she never fully recovered.

"Not the same fucking thing Marissa."

"I was protecting my family. I didn't want to worry anyone until there was something to worry about."

"So why now?"

"Gemma said there was a chance you boys might be going back in and I couldn't imagine you sitting in jail not knowing, so I told you."

"Would you have said something if Gemma didn't tell you?" Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Yes Happy. I just didn't know how to tell you. It's not exactly something I could bring up while we were in bed or some shit. I was going to tell you, I just needed to figure out how." Happy gripped the chair in front of him until his knuckles turned white.

"So what now?" Marissa sighed as she took a sip of her tea.

"I have the hysterectomy and found out how much the cancer has spread and then go from there." Marissa stood up and grabbed Happy's cut, forcing him to look at her. "I have every intention of fighting this. It's going to more than a little cancer to get rid of me baby." Marissa tried to smile but they both knew it was forced. Happy kissed his wife's head and pulled her into his arms hoping she was right.

* * *

Marissa sat in the hospital bed watching the news while Happy sat next to her reading some motorcycle mag. They were currently waiting for the results of her hysterectomy and Marissa was going out of her mind. Everyone had come in and tried to visit but Marissa was in too much pain, both physically and mentally to really be a good guest.

She had sent her boys away to camp without letting them know what was going on. She knew that she would have to tell them when they got back but she wanted to make sure there was something to tell. When she kissed Zander goodbye, he looked at her with a funny expression but she just waved him off. Even though Zander was a lot like his father, deep down he was a Mama's boy and she knew this would destroy him.

Marissa looked over as the door opened and Dr. Barnes walked in with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Doc," Marissa acknowledged as the young man seemed to shrink back under the intense gaze of Happy. Marissa turned and gave a Happy a look to knock it off but he didn't even acknowledge her.

"Endometrial cancer is one of the hardest to detect because the symptoms aren't as severe as most. Because of this, by the time it is found, it can be at a higher stage making treatment more difficult." Dr. Barnes took a deep breath.

"Just tell me doc. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Lowman. You are in Stage 3C, which means that the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes as well as some nearby tissue." Marissa gripped her blanket tightly.

"So what happens now?"

"Well we will discuss treatments: radiation and chemotherapy are the two most common. There is a list of side effects but they would be your best options right now." Happy stood up and grabbed Marissa's hand. He had a history of dealing with doctors when his Ma got sick and he knew there was something that he wasn't saying.

"What are her chances for fighting this?" The look on the doctor's face made both of their hearts drop.

"Typically with this stage of cancer, the survival rate is about thirty percent." Marissa sobbed loudly as her entire body shook.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This has been an intense chapter to write and I know I'm bound to piss a lot of people off but keep in mind that not all stories can have a happily ever after. One of the key muses for this chapter was a scene from the soap General Hospital. It was an older storyline when Monica was going through breast cancer and fighting with her husband, Alan. For anyone interested, here is the link:**

** /eiXCDBBjazA**

**It's a VERY powerful scene and always makes me tear up a bit. I give this story about two more chapters and I should be all wrapped up.**

* * *

Marissa stood in the kitchen and stared down at the various pills that lined the counter. She had started her chemotherapy treatment not too long and she had yet to get used to the idea. The meds made her tired all the time and she could barely keep anything down. Marissa took her meds as she thought back to the night when she finally told her kids what was going on. Marissa and Happy had set the kids down when they came home from camp to give them news.

_Aiden started to cry uncontrollably, Joshua sat stunned and Zander had fled the house. The look of pain on her children's faces ripped Marissa apart. She had tried her best never to bring them any hurt and yet that was exactly had happened. Logically she knew that the cancer wasn't her fault but try explaining that to a mother who is watching her children upset._

_When Zander had come home later than night, his father was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the television screen. Zander took a seat next to his father and happily took the joint Happy handed him._

_"This is fucked up." Zander explained._

_"Yeah kid, it is." Zander took another pull from the joint before handing it back to Happy._

_"Is she gonna die?"_

_"Dunno." Happy's passé attitude pissed Zander off and he turned sharply towards his father._

_"That's it? Aren't you supposed to be telling me that Ma is strong as shit? That she can survive anything?"_

_"Will saying that make you feel better? I never lied to you before and I aint' going to start now. I don't know what's going to happen with your Ma."_

_"It's like you don't even care if Ma dies." Happy stood up quickly, grabbing his son by the front of his shirt, pulling him up with him._

_"You better watch who you're talking to boy. Your mother is my fucking world and don't you ever forget that but I know what cancer does. I saw it with my own Mom."_

_"What's going on here?" Marissa asked as she came into the living room tightening the robe around her body. She looked at the sight in front of her and rubbed her eyes._

_"Just a little father-son bonding."_

_"I see that." Marissa walked closer and put her hands on Happy's arms. She felt the tension in his body and the guilt started up again. "Go on to bed, baby. I got this." Happy continued to stare at his son for a few more moments before releasing him and heading back towards the bedroom. Marissa pointed towards the couch. "Sit." Zander sat down and leaned forward on his knees._

_"I'm so sorry baby. If I could prevent this, if I could take away your pain, I would." Zander jolt his head up._

_"You are the one with cancer and you're worried about me."_

_"You're my baby, I always worry." Marissa played with the curls on her son's head as she leaned back on the couch. She fought the urge to cry when Zander laid his head on her lap like he used to do when he was younger. "You fighting with your father is not healthy babe. We are a family and we have to stick together." Zander sighed knowing his mother was right._

_"He's treating this like it's nothing, like it's just any other day." Marissa chuckled softly._

_"Your father is stubborn, tough, doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve." Marissa tapped her son's head. "Sound familiar? This is hard on him. He watched cancer destroy his mother and it ripped him apart. He was a true Mama's boy…kinda like you."_

_"Ma!" Zander whined but grabbed Marissa's hand in his. "So you gotta get some treatment?"_

_"Yeah. I'm going to start chemotherapy as soon as possible. I'm going to be honest with you Zander; it's going to be a tough ride." Zander sat up and looked at his mother who he loved more than life itself._

_"Anything I can do?" Marissa smiled as she kissed her son on the cheek._

_"Ease up on your father sweetie. He's trying."_

"Ma?" Marissa turned from her spot on the counter and smiled at Joshua. The young man had become just as much her child as her flesh and blood. She had been excited when Joshua had asked her if it was okay that he called Marissa "mom" a few years ago.

"Hey Josh. What's up?" The young man walked into the kitchen and looked at the scripts lined up on the counter.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Today's a good one. Even managed to keep a piece of bread down." Marissa tried to joke. "How are you?"

"Good. The classes have been a bit hard but whatever." Joshua was currently in a trade school to get his certificate in Electronic Engineering and Marissa couldn't be more proud. "Aiden said he was going to quit the baseball team." This was definitely news to Marissa.

"What? Why?"

"He says that he doesn't want to put any more stress on you, especially after what happened the last time." Marissa grimaced as she thought about the last baseball game she had attended. It had been a pretty rough day for her but she was determined to be there for her son. Unfortunately her body didn't get the memo and she almost passed out during the seventh inning. The look of horror on Aiden's face was not one that Marissa would ever forget.

"I'll talk to him. I don't want anyone changing their life because of this shit." Josh nodded as he kissed Marissa on the cheek. He was getting ready to leave the kitchen when Marissa called his name forcing him to turn back around.

"I just wanted to let you know that I am so proud of you. Not just for going to school, but everything. I love you and I just need you to know that you are just as much my son as the other two." Josh smiled before waving his goodbyes.

* * *

Marissa was standing in her bedroom after taking a shower. She looked down at the brush in her hand and wanted to scream. Like most woman, Marissa prided herself on her hair. She was blessed with a mass of thick, curly hair from her mother and now most of it had found its way on her brush or in the shower drain.

She tensed up when she felt Happy wrap his arms around her mid-section and kiss her neck. "Hey reina."

"Hey." Marissa moved out of Hap's embrace and grabbed her long sleeve shirt and pajama pants from the dresser. She headed towards the bathroom to change.

"Why the fuck do you do that?" Marissa sighed. Things had been rough between she and Happy, as neither one of them really knew how to deal with what was going on.

"Do what Happy?'

"Go in the bathroom and change. It's not like I've never seen you naked before."

"Just lay off, Hap.!" She turned back around to go towards the bathroom but jumped when she saw a picture frame shattered just a few feet from her head.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" She bellowed.

"My problem? My own fucking wife won't even change in front of me and you want to know what my problem is."

"You want to see a naked bitch, go to the clubhouse! I already told you that Happy!" A few weeks ago, Marissa told Happy that he had full permission to fuck around since she was unable to fill all of her womanly duties. He had snapped on her and walked away.

"I don't want some porn slut. I WANT my wife." The way he said it snapped something inside of Marissa.

"No you don't."

"Don't tell me what I want." Marissa dropped the clothes in her hand and ripped her robe off, leaving her standing in front of him completely naked. There were bruises all over her body and marks on her arms from the needles. She had lost a ton of weight, leaving most of ribs exposed.

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT HAPPY? THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO LOOK AT? THIS IS NOT THE BODY OF THE WOMAN YOU MARRIED! I CAN'T EVEN STAND THE SIGHT OF MY SELF!" Marissa felt the tears stream down her face at warp speed but she didn't even bother to wipe them away. Happy stood there, taking in every inch of Marissa's body.

"The bruises?"

"The chemo is causing my platelet counts to drop. The doctors say the blood clotting is what is causing me to bruise. I can't bump my hip on the counter without looking like I went twelve rounds with Mayweather." Marissa watched as Happy moved closer. He reached a hand out and brushed his fingers against one of the bruises on her side. The small motion made Marissa completely break down. She felt her legs give out and Happy caught her just in time.

"I can't keep living like this Happy. I just can't." Marissa cried out as Happy continued to hold her, not sure what else he could do.

* * *

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" Marissa turned around to see Tara standing behind her with anger and fear etched all over her face. Marissa didn't even have to ask what was wrong. She had spent the past nine months trying different forms of radiation and chemotherapy and she had finally decided what her next course of action was going to be.

"I guess that whole doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't mean shit."

"Don't joke right now Marissa. This shit is not funny."

"It's the best option."

"You are stopping your treatments. How the hell is that the best option? Do you even know what that means?"

"Yes Tara I know what that means."

"So you're just giving up?" Marissa rolled her eyes as placed a hand on the bandanna that was covering her mostly bald head.

"The cancer has spread Tara. I have to face the reality."

"The cancer spreading is all the more reason to continue the treatment."

"I'M DYING TARA! Do you hear me? I'm fucking dying. The radiation and the chemo…it's just prolonging the inevitable."

"The treatments can buy you time."

"At what fucking cost? I'm practically stuck in my bed all day as is. All the treatments are going to do is make me sicker. What the fuck is the point of any of that? All it does is make me miss more time with my kids, my family. I need to spend as much time with them as I can."

"What about me?" Marissa slammed her hand down on the fireplace mantel.

"Me, me, me. That's all I fucking from everyone: you, Tig, Happy. It's all about how MY cancer and MY treatments are affecting YOU. Do you think I want this Tara? Do you think I want to die? To leave my family? To leave you? I don't, okay? But the decision has been taking out of my hands. I'm done Tara. I have spent my entire life fighting, and I don't have any more fight left in me." Tara crossed the room and pulled Marissa in for a hug. The two best friends cried loudly as the reality hit both of them like a ton of bricks.

"I don't know how to survive without you Rissa. I know that seems selfish but it's true."

"Tara Teller, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I have watched you go through hell and come out on the other side. You will get through this; you don't have a choice baby. Besides, I'm going to need a favor from you." Tara wiped away at her tears.

"What's that?"

"I need you to look after my boys. All of them, including Happy. I don't need him shutting down and making risky choices leaving our kids without either one of their parents." Tara nodded furiously before pulling Marissa back in for a hug.

"I love you so much, Marissa." Marissa closed her eyes tightly.

"I love you too, Tara."


	15. Chapter 15

"You up for some company?" Marissa looked over from the movie she was watching and smiled.

"For you? Always?" Jax walked into the bedroom and took a seat that was placed next to the bed.

"So how are you feeling?" Marissa shrugged slightly as she played with the top of her comforter.

"My time is coming soon, I can feel it Jax and I'm tired of no one wanting to deal with that."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I bring it up to Hap or Tara, they shut down on me. It's like if they don't talk about it, then maybe it's not true and that's not the case. There are things that need to be taken care of after I go, shit that I want done and I can't tell the two most important people in my life." Marissa closed her eyes for a moment. The decision to stop her treatments had not set well with anyone but Marissa had made up her mind and everyone just had to learn to deal.

"This shit isn't easy on Tara. When you moved to Charming, I think she thought you two would be together forever." Marissa snorted as Jax laughed.

"Yeah we had plans on dying together holding each other's hands and everything." Marissa's voice took on a more serious tone. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: you and Happy are the loves of our lives but Tara and I have always been soul mates."

"Yeah. I think we all get that now." Jax grabbed Marissa's hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

"I love you little sis. You definitely kept shit interesting and all of us on our toes."

"Well I try." Marissa smiled with tears in her eyes. She knew what Jax was doing; it was the same thing that some of the others had been doing the past few days: he was saying goodbye. Marissa hated this shit and no matter who walked in the room, it never seemed to get easier. "I love you back Jackson. Take care of everyone for me." Jax nodded as he cleared his throat.

"I promise."

* * *

"Look in the top drawer, right side." Gemma looked confused before standing up to do as Marissa asked. She found a manila envelope on top of a stack of folded shirts.

"What's this?"

"Instructions." Marissa answered before pausing. The pain was getting worse, her immune system was shutting down and it was rare for her to be awake for long periods of time.

"What do you mean?"

"I used the rest of Dante's money to set up trust funds for the boys."

"Does Happy know?"

"He never gives me the chance to tell him." Gemma placed the envelope in her purse before climbing into bed with Marissa and kissing her forehead.

"Why won't Tig come and see me?" Marissa asked as she leaned her head on Gemma's shoulders.

"Shit is weighing on him real hard baby. Don't think he knows how to say goodbye to you. I will try my best to get him to come by. He will really kick his own ass if he misses the chance to see you before it's too late."

"I did the best I could Gemma, fought with everything I had…but what's done is done and all that shit. I will die knowing that I have no regrets."

"Not too many people can say that." Gemma remarked as she looked at the emancipated woman.

"I was able to find love twice, which I didn't think was possible. I have three beautiful, smart boys and a gang of friends that became my family. Plus I was able to kill a few people, blow some shit up and kick some ass. My life has been full, if not interesting."

"I gotta admit: I didn't think you were going to go out like this. Not after all the shit you survived."

"Yeah, given my history, cancer seems a little anti-climactic doesn't it?"

"You have been a great old lady. You stuck by your man through everything and you were always here for the club. I'm really going to miss you." Marissa smiled as she wiped away a few tears.

"I love you Gemma." Gemma kissed Marissa's forehead.

"I love you too baby girl."

* * *

Marissa woke up from a nap and was startled to see a figure sitting in the chair next to her bed.

"I thought you were never going to show up."

"I don't know how to do this, Hurricane. Don't know how I'm supposed to say goodbye to you."

"You give me a hug and kiss and tell me you love me." Tig looked up at Marissa.

"That simple huh?"

"Not simple but there really is no other options." Marissa wiped away the tears. She knew that besides her husband and children, saying goodbye to Tig was going to be the hardest thing that she would have to do. He was the father she never had, the protector that she always needed and the supporter that kept her upright when she felt like she could collapse under the weight of her world.

"Are you in pain?" Marissa nodded at the question.

"The morphine helps but it still hurts." Tig moved from his spot to sit on the bed with Marissa. He ran a ring filled hand down the side of her face. He cleared his throat a few times as he tried to compose himself.

"You will be fine without me." Marissa seemed to answer the question that Tig didn't even ask but was thinking. "Hell, you did it for forty plus years before I showed up."

"Seems like a lifetime ago when you barreled into town and threatened to crack one of my nuts." The pair laughed at the memory. "Never thought you would be one of the most important people in my life."

"Yeah I have a way to do that." Marissa remarked. She turned her head as she felt a coughing fit attack her. Tig reached over and handed her a tissue. "Thanks."

"How are the kids holding up?"

"As well as to be expected. Josh has been a great help with Aiden. He tries to keep him busy, on schedule with his sports and stuff. I don't want them stopping their lives because of this."

"And Zander?" Marissa sighed as she looked down at her hands.

"He's shutting down like his father. Doesn't want to deal with what's happening." Marissa tried to blink back the tears. Her eldest son, her baby was avoiding the house with everything he had. She hated the idea that she may die without saying goodbye to her child.

"You want me to talk to him?"

"Nah. He's gotta work through his shit his own way. If I learned anything from being married to Hap, it's that pushing a Lowman is like trying to push a brick wall." The pair stayed holding each other until Tig felt Marissa's breath start to even out, signaling that she had fallen asleep.

Tig moved to make sure that Marissa was lying down comfortably. He studied her face as he felt tears start to fall from his eyes. Damn, he was going to miss this girl. Tig leaned down to place a kiss on Marissa's forehead.

"I love you Hurricane."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This it it. The final chapter in the Marissa and Happy saga. I fought with finishing this story because in many ways, these stories were my babies. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, made this one of their favorites or put an alert to read every chapter that I have wrote. I will now focus on my other stories and I hope that I can keep you guys interested in the ones coming up. You have all been great to me and I can't thank you enough for your unwavering support.**

* * *

"You were the last person I expected to be here." Zander remarked from his spot on the park bench next to the cemetery.

"I come here every year to pay my respects to Opie's first wife."

"I didn't know Opie had any wives."

"Yeah. Donna was his first wife, the mother of his two kids. She was killed years ago."

"Were you two close?"

"Nah. She was a good lady though, didn't deserve to go out the way she did." Tig looked down at his rings. It had been decades since Donna's death but it didn't haunt him any less, especially since bad shit always seemed to happen to Opie because of the club. "You know if you don't go and see her before she dies, you'll regret it."

"I don't need a lecture." Zander scoffed as he lit up a cigarette forcing Tig to do the same.

"It's not a lecture, it's a reality check. I wasn't going to go by the house, didn't want my last memory of her to be weak in some goddamn bed."

"But you went."

"I love your mother like she was my own. She's one of the few that doesn't treat me like I'm a complete bastard. Saved my sanity more times than I can count." Tig turned to look at the man who had become his unofficial grandson. "She deserves more than dying without getting to see EVERYONE she loves. You were her fucking miracle kid."

"What are you talking about?" Tig sighed. He knew that Marissa never told her children all the hell she went through in order to have a family but he figured it was high time to start giving out a history lesson.

"A few years before you were born, your Mom was pregnant. No one knew but me. Happy had gone back to Tacoma; shit was real upside down then. Some asshole from her past showed up and beat the shit out of her. She lost the baby before she could ever tell anyone."

"I never knew that."

"She doesn't talk about it. When she found out she was pregnant with you, the club was going through some major changes. Jax just became President; we were in a fucking war zone…you were the only bright spot around that time. Marissa treated you like glass while she was pregnant, fucking glowed everywhere she went. She loves all of you kids, but kid, you were something fucking special."

"I always thought both of my parents were fucking invincible, that nothing bad could ever happen to them. Just look at all the shit my Dad survived."

"Death never gets easier kid but we all gotta go."

"I don't know how to live without my mom around. She's always just been there, you know." Zander ran a hand over his black curls and leaned back on the bench.

"It's up to you and Aiden to keep her memory alive. Remember the lessons she taught you, be the man that she raised you to be. That's all she ever wanted from you boys."

"I'm thinking about prospecting. Do you think Ma would be okay with that?" Tig smiled wide at the idea of Zander wearing the patch that had meant so much to him for some many years.

"Yeah I think she would."

"Aunt Tara hates that Abel did it."

"Marissa had a different mindset when it comes to the club. The club took away a lot from Tara but it gave your mother everything."

"I'm going to miss her." Tig clapped the young man on the shoulder.

"We all are."

* * *

"You ever regret sticking with me?" Marissa looked up from her resting spot on Happy's chest to look at him and see if he was joking or not. His deep onyx eyes told her that the question was very serious. Marissa sighed as she lay back down and grabbed Happy's hand in her own.

"After Dante died, I swore I would never love again. Being with you and falling for you was like breathing for the first time in seven years."

"I didn't always make shit easy on you."

"Well that saying could go both ways. We both made our fair share of mistakes Happy."

"But you never left." Marissa ran her thumb over Happy's fingers.

"I thought about it a few times, even packed a bag and kept it in the closet for a while."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because a life without you scared the living shit out of me. Despite all the bad shit, I never stopped loving you." Happy cleared his throat as his free hand ran up and down Marissa's arm.

"I remember the first time I saw you. You were dancing on the pool table with Tara and all I wanted to do was bend you over that table right then and there." Marissa laughed quietly.

"Tara told me you were trouble. That you made Tig seem like a teddy bear. Now look at us: married with a family. I don't think anyone could have predicted this shit."

"My ma did. She called me out on it when I went to go see her after we got out for that Zobelle shit the first time."

"Really? What did she say?" Happy thought back to the conversation that he had with his mother when he went to visit her.

_Miriam sat her fork down and stared at her son with a look that Hap had come to realize was the look she gave when she was getting ready to school him. "You live a…interesting life and from what I have been able to understand, that leather vest you wear makes you a pretty big deal. There are going to be a million girls that are going to want Happy but it takes a special woman that is going to want Michael. That will be the woman that looks beyond the vest straight into your soul. She's the type of woman that will walk through hell with a smile on her face as long as she is by your side. That type of woman will also not wait around forever for you to get your head out of your ass."_

_"Ma, it's not that serious."_

_"You have listed 4 things about this woman in one breath. Tell me one thing about the last girl you slept with that wasn't her. Do you even remember half of their names? What color are their eyes? You like this Marissa girl, in a way that makes you unable to stop thinking about her and that means that you have to do something about it. You can not use your dick as a way to convey your feelings." Happy winced at his mother's words._

_"So what should I do then?"_

_"You show her that you're worth it. I know that you aren't big on talking about your feelings but you have to try. For a woman that you really want, you make the effort to try. As long as you try; if she's the right woman; she will stand beside you. I know that you don't believe it but I am so proud of the man you have become. You are strong and loyal and when you love something or someone, you give it your all. I have prayed for years that a woman would come into your life that would get your love."_

_Miriam picked her fork back up as she knew her son was trying to wrap his head around everything that she had just said. She finished her salad before giving him one last piece of advice. "Keep in mind that women love very differently than men. Men love with caution, always keeping a hand on the brake, looking out for the bumps and curves in the road. Women love unconditionally and full throttle, constantly going 120 MPH without a helmet. If you find that kind of woman to love you, don't you EVER let her go."_

Marissa laughed when Happy was done talking. "Guess she was right. Our life together has been full throttle since the beginning. We never really had any slow periods."

"I know I didn't always show it and I damn sure didn't say it often but I love you so much reina." Marissa felt the tears fall down her face as she smiled.

"I know." Marissa put her head back up and Happy leaned down to kiss her on the mouth. "I love you too…Michael." Marissa laughed at the look of annoyance on Happy's face.

"Is this a bad time?" Marissa looked over to see Zander, Aiden, and Joshua standing in the door frame.

"Not at all. Come on in." The three boys walked in the room and sat down on the bed with their parents.

"What are you guys doing?" Zander asked as he rested a hand on his mother's leg.

"Just taking a trip down memory lane."

"Anything interesting?" Aiden asked causing Marissa and Happy to chuckle. Marissa smiled as she and Happy started to tell the children their love story.

* * *

_Epilogue_

My name is Marissa Ramirez Lowman and I passed away last night in the arms of my husband and surrounded by my children. I lived a life that most could only think about and I survived more than many could ever dream. My life had been a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, good and bad but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat as long as I knew that my story would end the same: finding love and happiness.

Who would have thought that a trip to a small town named Charming would forever change the course of my life? I guess in some fucked up way I have Agent Stahl to thank, although I hope she continues to rest in shit. If she hadn't have shut down my bar, I would have still been in Chicago. I would have had the bar of my dreams but no other fulfillment. I had no family and my only true friend was hundreds of miles away. It's such a contrast from the life that I had before I took my last breath: wife, mother, business owner. Charming gave me all that. SAMCRO gave me that life.

No one ever wants to leave their family and there are things that I wish I would have been around for, so many things that I am going to miss. Joshua moving to Arizona and settling down with a normal 9-5 job and a beautiful little girl and a girlfriend that he would never marry but remain committed to. I would miss my sweet, shy Aiden turn down a full baseball scholarship in order to be a Son. In some ways, my death hardened my sweet child and he never fully got his innocence back. He would be taken far too young while being part of the NOMAD charter. Zander would follow in his father's footsteps, taking to the club like a lifeline. He would end up sitting on the right side of the table under Abel's presidency.

None of my boys would ever get married and Happy never took on another old lady. When asked why not, Zander would always say "There were two Mrs. Lowman's and no other woman would ever be fit to have that title." Knowing that is bittersweet. I love that my boys regarded my memory and the memory of Miriam in such high regard but I wished they would have taken on old ladies, started real families.

Sooner or later, the men and woman that defined the majority of my adulthood would in one form or another suffer the same fate that I had. Some of their deaths had been bloody, others had been peaceful but like Tig once said "We all gotta go sometime."

Juice and Tig died in a shoot-out with the Niners. Gemma succumbed to injuries sustained from a car accident. Chibs died from lung cancer. Opie never recovered from all the loss he had suffered by the hands of SAMCRO. In many ways, he became like Piney: holed up in cabin for weeks at a time, drinking his life away. Ultimately alcohol poisoning is what killed him. It was weeks before Jax went up to the cabin and found his body. Jax, ironically, went out the same way that JT did but without all the secrecy and murder. He was hit by a semi on Interstate 18 and was killed instantly. Tara outlived us all, dying peacefully in her sleep when she was well into her older years, being the last one standing.

Happy…my difficult, complicated husband. He suffered with my death and in many ways; he was never the same again. He tried to be there for the boys, teach them right and honor my wishes but it all became too much for him. If you ask the club or the police, his bike lost control and collided with a barrier. But I know the truth. I know that he had all but given up on a life without me and let the road take him.

There was no way that any of us could ever predict our fates, nor do I think we would have wanted to. Years after my passing, on the clubhouse wall was a poster with the lyrics that summed up the lives of every man and woman in SAMCRO

_Each night I go to bed_

_I pray the Lord my soul to keep_

_No I ain't looking for forgiveness_

_But before I'm six foot deep_

_Lord,I got to ask a favor_

_And I'll hope you'll understand_

_'Cause I've lived life to the fullest_

_Let the boy die like a man_

_Staring down the bullet_

_Let me make my final stand_

_Shot down in a blaze of glory_

_Take me now but know the truth_

_I'm going out in a blaze of glory_

_Lord I never drew first_

_But I drew first blood_

_and I'm no one's son_


End file.
